And now for something completely different......
Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2017 4:23 pm
Dear all,
I have just drummed up enough support to start a new Bloodbowl league with all new players, so in order to have them appreciate the wonderful world of Bloodbowl I will be sending out a regular newsletter, something I did for a previous league before all my fellow coaches left for college and jobs. The newsletter features rules updates helpful hints and results. Alongside the information section I am including "Humorous" articles and obituaries, I thought I would share some of these to a wider audience than the 7 people who will otherwise read them.
I hope to raise a small smile or a groan. Here follows the first couple. If you would like to share your own that I can blatantly steal for my use (or not) that would be fun!
Demonstration Game
Flagelants from the Westbarrow Temple were picketing the game between Orcland Raiders and Nuln Saints claiming the god Sigmar hates The Empire because they have allowed the unholy sport of Bloodbowl to be played unchecked. Soldiers had to be called into quell the rioting before it could start as angry fans pelted verbal abuse and rocks. Sergeant Rotenswine said crowd control was necessary as he didn't want fans to be too tired to mount a proper pitch invasion when the game began and ruin everyones fun. Soldiers eventually corralled the religous fanatics onto the pitch for their safety. The Orcland Raiders mistook the protesters for their opponents, who had been trapped outside the stadium by the confusion, and the game started. After a period of pleading that this was not what they were here for they eventually got in the spirit of thing. After the game Von Felps, the leader of the sect, said it was actually quite fun, and that Sigmar had appeared to him while knocked out from a block thrown by orc blitzer Garak Scarpa, telling him to bloody get on with it because he wanted to catch the Reikland Reavers game and didn't want to miss the start.
MVP is Best in Show
The charity match for recent flood victims between The Moot Mighties
and Oldheim Ogres, sponsored by McCurty’s, turned into a 65 – 37 thriller. McCurty’s had offered free snacks to those at the game, which caused the immediate abandonment of the pitch during the kickoff by the Halfling and Ogre players, leaving only the Oldheim’s snottlings and Mighties’ treeman on the field. A small dog, believed to be owned by Mighties Coach Fred Burger and thought to have been brought as part of a sneaky plan to disrupt the Ogre’s game plan, escaped on to the pitch in the stampede. The dog chased the ball around the pitch pursued by the ineffectual snottlings, the treeman having taken root early on in indignation of having been used as a relieving post. The game lasted 5 hours, after the referee, ex Nurgle Rotter No Armed Jake, fell to pieces on the pitch and no one could be found who was willing to retrieve the stopwatch. The dog was named MVP for scoring all of the games
102 touchdowns and for racking up 8 casualties to the Oldheim’s
snottlings. The game eventually ended when the small dog curled up and went to sleep. Moot Mighties’ lineman, Jimmy the Stuffer, said after the game “It’s nice to watch someone else do all the running, while I get to eat delicious Big Moots!” Ogre Blocker Thuzull Legchewer when asked for comment replied “Hmm ummm mmmp!” as he continued to enjoy free samples.
I have just drummed up enough support to start a new Bloodbowl league with all new players, so in order to have them appreciate the wonderful world of Bloodbowl I will be sending out a regular newsletter, something I did for a previous league before all my fellow coaches left for college and jobs. The newsletter features rules updates helpful hints and results. Alongside the information section I am including "Humorous" articles and obituaries, I thought I would share some of these to a wider audience than the 7 people who will otherwise read them.
I hope to raise a small smile or a groan. Here follows the first couple. If you would like to share your own that I can blatantly steal for my use (or not) that would be fun!
Demonstration Game
Flagelants from the Westbarrow Temple were picketing the game between Orcland Raiders and Nuln Saints claiming the god Sigmar hates The Empire because they have allowed the unholy sport of Bloodbowl to be played unchecked. Soldiers had to be called into quell the rioting before it could start as angry fans pelted verbal abuse and rocks. Sergeant Rotenswine said crowd control was necessary as he didn't want fans to be too tired to mount a proper pitch invasion when the game began and ruin everyones fun. Soldiers eventually corralled the religous fanatics onto the pitch for their safety. The Orcland Raiders mistook the protesters for their opponents, who had been trapped outside the stadium by the confusion, and the game started. After a period of pleading that this was not what they were here for they eventually got in the spirit of thing. After the game Von Felps, the leader of the sect, said it was actually quite fun, and that Sigmar had appeared to him while knocked out from a block thrown by orc blitzer Garak Scarpa, telling him to bloody get on with it because he wanted to catch the Reikland Reavers game and didn't want to miss the start.
MVP is Best in Show
The charity match for recent flood victims between The Moot Mighties
and Oldheim Ogres, sponsored by McCurty’s, turned into a 65 – 37 thriller. McCurty’s had offered free snacks to those at the game, which caused the immediate abandonment of the pitch during the kickoff by the Halfling and Ogre players, leaving only the Oldheim’s snottlings and Mighties’ treeman on the field. A small dog, believed to be owned by Mighties Coach Fred Burger and thought to have been brought as part of a sneaky plan to disrupt the Ogre’s game plan, escaped on to the pitch in the stampede. The dog chased the ball around the pitch pursued by the ineffectual snottlings, the treeman having taken root early on in indignation of having been used as a relieving post. The game lasted 5 hours, after the referee, ex Nurgle Rotter No Armed Jake, fell to pieces on the pitch and no one could be found who was willing to retrieve the stopwatch. The dog was named MVP for scoring all of the games
102 touchdowns and for racking up 8 casualties to the Oldheim’s
snottlings. The game eventually ended when the small dog curled up and went to sleep. Moot Mighties’ lineman, Jimmy the Stuffer, said after the game “It’s nice to watch someone else do all the running, while I get to eat delicious Big Moots!” Ogre Blocker Thuzull Legchewer when asked for comment replied “Hmm ummm mmmp!” as he continued to enjoy free samples.