Auld World Masters III -13/05 - HAWK WINS!

[Wobert]

That would be pay for view only!

You pay us, right?

I may chip in for the psychiatric treatment afterwards

[Glowworm]

Less dancing more wobbling and jiggling I would say. The cost would be the thousands, nay tens of thousands of penises.

Fixed that for ya!!

...also I'm confirmed with Skull Cove Patriots ( Khemri), do you need any food choices, cannot remember....

[Wobert]

Food is a buffet, forgot to check number of veggies though, I know we have a few. There are veggie options but please shout if you are a veggie and haven't told me before

[Itchen Masack]

Be warned if you do tell him, it doesnt always help

[Wobert]

Be warned if you do tell him, it doesnt always help

One little mild poisoning and you never hear the end of it! You went on to win that year, you should thank me.

[thor87]

Suppose I best start painting my team...

[Wobert]

Hello everyone and welcome to the draw for the 3rd instalment of that tournament celebrating the venerable and the ancient – Auld World Masters. This years attendees list is, well to be honest, screamingly horrific. We all remember well the inaugural event and the green tide which turned into a stunty tsunami last year to everyone’s amusement. This year . . . . ? Well the team break down looks like this . . . . .

5x Orcs
4x Lizards, Skaven, Dwarfs, Halflings
3x Dark Elfs, Khemri
2x Chaos Dwarfs, Wood Elfs, Humans, Norse
1x Necromantic, Ogres, Goblins, Underworld

So 15 teams boasting heavy amounts of AV9 in their line up should make this a bashy affair with a lot of beards in attendance.

Even more remarkable is the number of coaches who will be eligible for the Rookie Wonder award as it standard at an amazing 17 – almost half the field!

Ok on to the draw itself . . . . . those viewers on pay-for-view will be joining us as Commissioner Wobert’s speedo dance seems to be coming to an end. We suggest that those people turn up the volume on their Cabalvision orbs because they’ve most likely gone blind and so won’t be able to see the balls come out that hat.

We had hoped to get The Mad Bomber to do the draw this year as the tournament is in his honour. However in our rehearsal show he spent the entire time trying to light the balls and then lobbing them into our technical staff while cackling, well either that or fumbling them at his feet.

Without further ado . . . . let the draw begin!

[Wobert]

TABLE 1
Ok lets give those balls a good mix up . . . . . . 40 coaches and plenty of options . . . . who will be first out the bag? The top table calls, but who will answer?

Last man into the competition is the first man out – Fat Fingers! Sporting a newly minted Skaven team, Fat Fingers is one of a huge vat of rookie coaches at AWM this year (stop rubbing your hands together the rest of you). He looks a bit worried as he starts at the very top on his assault at NAF glory.

He was right to look worried!

Blimey that’s a tough opening match . . . . . . 2nd coach out the bag is Heartsbane! Leading a Necromantic team in a generally inexperienced field, Heartsbane will be one of those coaches tipped to finish in the top 10. The claw won’t do much good in this game but at least the speed of the wolves and Ghouls should help match the natural pace of the rats.

[Wobert]

TABLE 2
So table number 2 . . . . the spot where the Glowworm award (International no less) will be awarded from. Next out the bag . . . . .

It’s another new and shiny coach at his first NAF event – Phlsmith and is trusty Chaos Dwarfs. There are plenty of beards in the draw this year and Phlsmith seems to be head of the queue at the moment. Splendidly bearded himself, Phlsmith will be hoping to get his tournament under way with a favourable draw against a more clean shaven and squishier team.

It seems he isn’t going to get his wish . . . .

The rookies are going to have a torrid time at the top. Joining him at table number 2 is Rubick and his ridiculously (not to mention un-sportingly) Guard heavy team of Dwarfs! Good beards v Bad beards. Tough match up this, with all that Guard (didn’t you read the roster about real men?) you would expect Rubick to have the fighting edge but the pace of the Bulls may help Phil cause an upset. Time will tell.

[Wobert]

TABLE 3
There appears to be quite a few green coloured balls in the bag . . . . let’s pick one of them next . . . .

No big shock, the green ball appears to be an Orc team coached by Breidox. This veteran rookie coach seems more suited in appearance to playing a Norse team rather than green skins and so we were all quite taken aback by his team choice. He’s fielding 2 Throwers and a Goblin as well and so we may be seeing an attempt at the less than legendary Orc throwing game.

Who will be facing the the Orcs?

Well how funny . . . . . Breidox the part time Viking will be facing VonMason and his Norse team. The waistcoat wearing dandy has changed teams about 20 times before settling on the Norsemen for this match up. If he can tame the frenzy then he definitely has a chance but he needs his armour to hold in the greenskins assault.

[Wobert]

TABLE 4
Table 4 so still up there in the mix, it’s a good launch pad for the event . . . . but for who?

It’s another one of the brand new coaches also attending their first NAF event – Southernslayer! He leads a team of Lustrian Lizardmen onto the pitch. Unknown in the table top world, Southernslayer has dipped his scaled toe in online play at UKBBL and has made a promising start. Surely a sign that he won’t be a push over for whoever his first opponent is.

Facing him in game 1 is Pietrojb and his lithe and graceful wood elf team – it’s a NAF rookie off! Woodies are an interesting choice for AWM as they are fragile to begin with and will only become more so as the tournament goes on. I’m not sure either coach will love this match up, the lizards will out muscle the elfs but the wardancers could prove a real handful for the skinks. Could be a high scoring one!

[Wobert]

TABLE 5
So table 5 . . . . still within striking distance of the top . . . .

Ooooh quite aptly out comes Besters and his Khemri team. The current Golden Gauntlet holder has set himself a challenge with the desert dwellers but after all, he is the most successful coach in the UK in 2016/17. Are you brave enough to bet against him? Surely he can’t break the top 3 with Khemri . . . right? Last year at AWM he started his campaign against someone in their first ever NAF tournament. It wasn’t fair then . . . .

. . . . . and it’s not fair now!

Besters opponent for his first tournament defending the Golden Gauntlet is . . . . . . oh the poor blighter, it’s Alatos! Besters has done it again, Alatos is attending his first ever NAF event with humans. He’s brought a pretty standard human team with no real surprises but they this is a decent match up for them. We love an underdog story and what a scalp this could be for Alatos. Thrown in at the deep end it doesn't get much deeper does it?

[Wobert]

There will now be short interval while I get some breakfast!

[cornish]

My eyes my eyes! I am blinded by that cheap combination of sequins and fake tan. What horror. An eternal break in proceedings would never be enough to cleanse the images that have burned into my memory.

[Wobert]

TABLE 6
Let’s dig deep . . . . all the way down and get a ball from near the bottom . . . . .

Ah Bron (no, not the chap from Game of Thrones) has had a brief but colourful history at NAF events. He has picked up a couple of wooden spoons and is generally found mooching about in the lower echelons . . . . but that’s when he plays a stunty team. However, Bron is Dark Elfs for this one and so who knows what that will do to his game! We'd love to see him threatening at the top end.

Nuffle strikes with some irony . . . . or woody more appropriately.

The man with the wooden spoons will play against Wood Elfs lead by wwe2015 – our youngest coach. Don’t discount the youngling as he is coached by one of the best – his Dad is still in the bag! Expect this to be the highest scoring match of the round, it could easily go 4-3 to one of the Elf teams . . . . but which one? An all Elf match up could mean both coaches get a good tilt at the most TDs award. More importantly, both will be relieved to avoid the horde of greenskins and beards.