Register    Login    Forum    FAQ

Board index » Community Discussion » Tournament Discussions




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 12:49 am 
Star Player
Star Player

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:28 pm
Posts: 600
Location: Manchester, UK
Image


The History of Northern English Blood Bowl



In 1912, British archaeologists discovered the fossilised remains of an early human, a find that they elected to name Piltdown Man based upon the location in which he was found – the small East Sussex village of Piltdown. It was estimated that this man was in excess of 4,000 years old and thus the oldest fossilised human remains ever discovered within the British Isles. This was until, six months ago, the discovery of 3+ Man in Stalybridge, Cheshire.

Previously discovered human fossils of the Neolithic period would often be found forever immortalised in a state of long-past daily life: the Neanderthal farmer vulcanised during the collecting of berries; the proto-human skeleton permanently imprisoned in a shell of amber whilst foraging for sustenance; the ravenous homo-erectus devouring his livestock, moments before being encased in molten rock for all eternity. 3+ Man was an entirely new discovery in that he was the first human fossil to be discovered crystallised in the act of making a dodge roll with an AG4 saurus from the tackle zone of a dark elf assassin.

And thus began the long and enduring saga of Northern English Blood Bowl. From the discovery of a noble, play-for-fun caveman from 6,000 BC to the wholly unacceptable act of a Geordie winning the NAF Championship in 2015, Blood Bowl in that most sacred part of England - where wearing a long-sleeved shirt in winter would brand you a communist – would come to define not just World Blood Bowl, but also French Blood Bowl too. But in order to look forwards, we must first look backwards...

Blood Bowl in England was only established legally as of the year 1768. Prior to that, the succession of English kings was decided upon a game of Lords of Waterdeep. The legitimate heirs of a dying monarch would gather in a sealed room upon the feast of Saint Lycos and whoever could roll the most gin-rummies and sell the most grain would be crowned the new protector of the realm, or 'Biggestus Nerdus', in the eyes of the church. This conquering monarch would then be be required to roll a 4+ every year (with the possibility of a re-roll if he managed to conquer at least 50% of Normandy) or forever lose his power and start the process all over again.

However, as mentioned, in 1768 Blood Bowl became the law of the land. Under the leadership of Oliver Cromwell (who I know should have been long dead by then but had probably evolved into some undying being such as a zombie, a vampire, or a NAF President). It then enjoyed a moderate popularity until the post World War Two government of Clement Attlee. Crushed by a regime of rationing and sweeping reforms, Blood Bowl became nothing more than a nerdy board game played by degenerates and people who buy hamsters and call them 'David'. And this is where Blood Bowl was to stay until the year 2005. Or maybe 2006. Research is hard and the pressy buttons on my laptop don't make the internet bring up the answers within five seconds so I lost interest.

In 2005, or maybe 2006, a God-like Adonis grabbed Northern Blood Bowl by its hair, punched its lights out and threw it over a pool table in slow motion.

That Adonis's name was Leipziger, and his weapon of choice was The Waterbowl....


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:14 am 
Veteran
Veteran
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:04 pm
Posts: 276
Location: Düsseldorf
"Wait!" I thought. "An English legend without an ugly German to be bashed. I have to go to Waterbowl to provide them opportunity!"

Quickly I realized that I cannot go, but before I sat down in agony I realized that it was all good

Image

_________________
"Chess is two stoic soviet sleeper agents silently conducting 300 possibility calculations per second. Blood bowl is a game where a halfling makes a shepherds pie so you lose all your re rolls." (Thanks to nonumber)


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:48 am 
Super Star
Super Star

Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 4:12 pm
Posts: 961
mmmmm, peas, carrots and ummm...albino carrots? :)

Actually I just had a childhood flashback. This is the work of Bunnicula!

_________________
Image


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:53 am 
Star Player
Star Player

Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:21 pm
Posts: 650
Location: Newcastle Uk
Tell us more Uncle Sizzler


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:55 am 
Kommissar Enthusiasmoff
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 08, 2006 11:24 am
Posts: 5379
Location: Swindon, England
With those random veg, and Galak chocolate, it seems only the BB greats get food named after them!

_________________
NAF President
Founder of SAWBBL, Swindon and Wiltshire's BB League @ sawbbl.uk
Image


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:39 am 
Rapdog - formally known as Pippy
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:56 pm
Posts: 4252
Location: King John's Tavern, The Square Mile, West Hartlepool
Well this is incredible isn't it?!

More!!

_________________
UK Team Challenge IV - York, 20/21 January 2018
-"the home of quality Blood Bowl apparatus"
(and much more besides!)


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:59 pm 
Ex-Mega Star, now just a Super Star
Ex-Mega Star, now just a Super Star
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:20 pm
Posts: 1749
Location: South Wales
Sorry for laughing at such such serious matter but this did make me chuckle :lol:

_________________
FOUL BOWL Part III SUMMER 2018
FOUL BOWL Part II 24th June
Hitting you where it hurts since 2515
Click here to find out more
Brought to you by FOUL SPAM
The number one Blood Bowl meat substitute


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:47 am 
Star Player
Star Player

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:28 pm
Posts: 600
Location: Manchester, UK
Part One – The Mancunian Candidate

Image
Public announcement systems were unavailable at early Blood Bowl tournaments, forcing organisers to make use of the 'Bum Trumpet' in order to get their message across.



Manchester is famed for its culture, its architecture and its green spaces. With the exception of perhaps London, or the east wing of that mansion in The Philippines that 'NAF money had nothing to do with', it has undoubtedly the best and most abundant selection of venues ideally suited to the hosting of a Blood Bowl tournament. From the historic town hall in the cultured centre to an executive suite at Old Trafford overlooking the sunlit Quays, to the soaring Beetham Tower offering a panoramic view of the whole city, there is no shortage of places in which to push little men around a table and sip Martinis while Swedish glamour models inject amphetamines directly into our eyeballs.

However, despite all of this and in perfect keeping with Manchester's independent spirit, Leipziger spat in the face of convention and decided to hold the first Waterbowl in the back room of local sweat foundry Fan Boy Three. A gaming shop so heavily saturated with the body odour of the regulars, it is rumoured that the first two Fan Boys were destroyed when one of the customers farted so monstrously that it annihilated the first building, rippled through the space-time continuum and then created a black hole that completely subsumed the second shortly after re-opening. But this would not prevent plucky Yorkshireman-turned-pseudo-Mancunian Leipziger from following his dreams.

In that room, with it's dangling pictures of D&D characters and a none-functioning toilet, the fumes from which irreversibly shortened the lifespan of every participant there that day by fifteen years, something beautiful was born.

But in order to understand the magnitude of this event we must also understand the time in which it took place. 2005/2006 was a completely different age. Telephones were the size of a small bus and were still described as 'telephones', the internet hadn't been invented yet and it had only been five years since the Romans left. England was a fragile nation teetering on the brink of destruction; it desperately needed heroes and it desperately needed hope. Its government had failed it and the hunched, slobbering masses were looking for new leaders.

It was also a difficult time for Blood Bowl itself. Back then the concept of LRB6 was unheard of. Instead they were using something else which, due to me not being there at the time and a complete unwillingness to go to the effort of looking it up, shall henceforth be known as LRB-something-that-isn't-LRB6. It was an absolutely terrible ruleset that lacked the charisma of LRB5 and the watertight reliability of LRB6. Some people vouch that it was the superior ruleset and that a return to those halcyon days is the best thing that could happen to Blood Bowl, however these people are obviously nut-cases and are probably married to their dogs.

When the dust had settled on that tropical February afternoon there was much celebrating. Blood Bowl tournaments in the north of England were previously unheard of. Until then, Blood Bowl had been played predominantly in the south by upper class dandies and bon vivants, not by the pale, rickets-afflicted hunchbacks found in the hinterlands. This had all changed. The northerners of England were losing their taste for turnips and boiled flat-caps and were instead acquiring an appetite for dice-based board games...


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:53 am 
Star Player
Star Player

Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:28 pm
Posts: 600
Location: Manchester, UK
Sorry, not sure what this is supposed to be. I may have just returned from the pub... again.

I love white and orange carrots though!


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 2:06 am 
Ex-Mega Star, now just a Super Star
Ex-Mega Star, now just a Super Star
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:20 pm
Posts: 1749
Location: South Wales
Quote:
In that room, with it's dangling pictures of D&D characters and a none-functioning toilet, the fumes from which irreversibly shortened the lifespan of every participant...


Lols :lol:

_________________
FOUL BOWL Part III SUMMER 2018
FOUL BOWL Part II 24th June
Hitting you where it hurts since 2515
Click here to find out more
Brought to you by FOUL SPAM
The number one Blood Bowl meat substitute


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:27 pm 
Power Gamer
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2003 4:08 pm
Posts: 9229
Location: ECBBL, London, England
Bravo!

_________________
*This post may have been made without the use of a hat.


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2016 11:22 am 
Rapdog - formally known as Pippy
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:56 pm
Posts: 4252
Location: King John's Tavern, The Square Mile, West Hartlepool
To be continued? Or enigmatically drifting ad infinitum?

_________________
UK Team Challenge IV - York, 20/21 January 2018
-"the home of quality Blood Bowl apparatus"
(and much more besides!)


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2016 8:21 pm 
Bum Monkey
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2002 3:26 pm
Posts: 2444
Location: The Square Mile, West Hartlepool. (Home of Bloodbowl)
pipey wrote:
To be continued? Or enigmatically drifting ad infinitum?


I am distinctly hoping for the latter.... :-)

_________________
Image


Top 
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The History of Northern English Blood Bowl
 Post Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 11:00 am 
Super Star
Super Star

Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 10:38 am
Posts: 915
The "white carrots" are asparagus. The mix of peas, carrots, and asparagus are called the "Leipziger mix" in German, but it's also a hilarious pun on Leipziger the player.

Jokes are always funnier when someone explains it. Here's a video of RSHD on his international comedy tour:
http://www.adforum.com/creative-work/ad ... medy/becks

_________________
"It's 2+ and I have a reroll. Chill out. I've got this!"
Image


Top 
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
 
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 

Board index » Community Discussion » Tournament Discussions


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

 
 

 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
cron