Happy Days?
A massive green tide swept the University district this afternoon as hundreds of drop-out students protested the complete atrophy of the Wanted!! section of the RFBBL.
The RFBBL, currently in its second season, only has two active "Bounties". The fans are demanding more.
Sminov Icycle stated, "How can a Blood Bowl Organization as prestigious as the RFBBL have only TWO Bounties? I don't care if we have pansy coaches like Carnage Claybaby or Mad Dog Maiden on our payroll. Taxpayers pay good money to see this kinda stuff you know."
Shaking three fists in the air Henry Winky Winkleer agreed with Icycle. "How's can you be's cool if you ain't wanted? Besides... school is not everything ya know? There is good money in Pro Sports and Happy Days."
League Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un, had this to say, "Wez wurk'n on itz."
In the interim, 2514 Flatland Cup coaches are allowed to nominate two active players participating this season. Private votes can be sent directly to the League Commissioner. You can be assured that your votes will be handled in a completely unfair and biased fashion.
"Da Big Green 'Un undyrztandz yur 'urtz."
The winners will be announced on Friday, Feb 28. In addition to a pedicure and bath salt spa treatment these two bathing beauties will also gain a 50K bounty as funded by the citizens of Regina.
We already know what you are thinking. Bumping that haughty player on your own team won't get you the street credit ya filthy animals.
"Butz meez lykz huw yur tynk'ng!"
~Burnt Cookies - star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
-----
Wer getting murdured out there! (by da Rottin' Eye Raiderz Goblin Coach Verm Gombardi)
The teams got 'eart n guts. We shows ar 'eart n guts night after nite. But sometimes it's just too much 'eart n guts and blud ...and blud for even a gobbo like me.
I shuddo nown we wer in trubble rite away.
"Look coach, they gots goblins too," says one of the lads. Whats the world commin too when goblins fight side by next with a lot a stinky duwarfs. They'll let anyone in this dam league!
"And theys got ponies too," says Kingsley. Now Glob is getting innerested, "Eat pony!" He's been sad evver sinse we fot the 'orsemen and they didn't bring any 'orses. I cud tell he thought it was his big chance to finnally eat an 'orse.
"I don't know what the heck those are," I says, "but they dont look like no ponys to me. You can eat one if you wants but don't complayne to me wen you get a tummy ake." Bah, eat a pony. Sheesh!
Not only was it gobbos and dawarfs but what gobbos and duwarfs. The hole team was a bunch of misfits. Big goblins and weerd lookin dawarfs. And those pony things. I still don't know if they ride them or what they do. Yiech!
Ghrim rallied the troops. "Look fellas, I knows they look funny but there stinky, there 'airy and they burp too much. Thas just like reglar duwarfs."
The match started well. The new fella Rocket bobbed and weaved and zagged and scored a tuchdown rite away. He was just too lighning fast for there weerd stumpy legs. It was beyootiful, at least until they broke 'is 'ead. But it was all down the hill from there. They kept knocking us out and any kind of dawarfs always gots those 'ard 'eads.
Haf way thru the 2nd haf the assisstant coach Fat Morty turns to me an says, "I think were in trubble coach!" You think wer in trubble! What gave it away? The fact that we gots 2 guys on the pitch. Ones face down in a heap near the sidelines and the others a curled up troll whats bawling like a baby alf. I mean the Brimstones are a sick bunch of mutant freak weirdo dawarfs and goblins and ... whatevers. But there is nothing so sick as seeing a grown troll cry. For Morks sake fight back! They just surrounded him and kept hitting and hitting and hitting. I was looking for the ref but the fans had got 'im early in the 2nd haf. I thought they might got us next, having made them see a grown troll cry!
We finally caried him off in a heap leavin jus Raz still curled up in a ball near the sidelines. The bloody giant bull-man thing even scored after that. I eard him called a minitar but he looked pretty big to me.
For the kick-off we wers only left with Raz, Kingsly and Montana Joe. They gathered round. "What's the play coach?"
"Wots the play? Hav you ben hit in the 'ed too much? They gots there hol team and we gots three. Do the math lad. Thats a nine to three advantage, Were outnumbered four to one. Theres a time to fight, a time to stand up and make a stand. But this aint that time. Run for your lives is the play! This is a time to hunker down and think of the insurance rates. Were getting our 'eds bashed in out there but its the rising premiums that are murduring us!"
- Verm Gombardi
-----
Wee Lyttyl 'Unz (by League Commissioner Da Big Green 'Un (also head coach of The Brimztone Zlayer'z Chaos Dwarf team)
Aftyr reedyng dat mozt ezellent bulletyn by Verm Gombardi, "Wer getting murdured out there!" I muzt zay I wuz muv'd.
Iz waz der fur dat gamz und ytz waz Un 'eck uv a matcz!
Yn ord'r tu givz da lyttyl guyz a chanz (Gobbos und Halfiez) dez cun ztartz witz morz guyz. Un morz dan uzul. Zo likz umm... hmm.. wateva dat numba yz.
Ulzo... dunt furgetz tu gytz yur nomynatyonz fur de 50K Bownteez beefurz Frydayz.
- Da Big Green ´Un
-----
The Fans have Spoken
Breaking News:
A small crowd gathered near Regina City Hall tonight as the 2514 Fans Choice - Most Wanted Awards were announced.
"For f&^% sakes it is freezing in this absurd city," stated Grichitta Gizzlenards. "Why would anyone live in a place where it is -60 degrees Celsius? We can't enjoy games in this absurdity."
With the extreme weather overshadowing the ceremony, without further ado here are the glorious winners:
Fearless Frederick - Desert Dragons
and
Zezal Torlyl - Menzoberanzan Shadowblades
Of course many fans were disappointed their favourites weren't chosen.
"Demz da Brakz," was the only comment from Da Big Green 'Un.
Boys - your spa and pedicure package are now in the mail. Enjoy them while you can. Money for nothing some might say.
~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
-----
Secret Private Votes
Iama letting evryone knows my votes for the bountys because iama gobbo an thas how we doos the business. I was gonna vote for my team cause we're goblins an we cud honestly use the spa and bath but since it comes wit the bounty we'll pass on that.
Vote 1 goes to Erik of the Stinking Mighty Humes. He was prancing around throwing the ball here and throwing the ball there and handing off and throwing and throwing again and it really was jus altogether too much. We goblins cud throw likes that but we've got the shor' arms and we donts like to showe off like zat.
Vote 2 was goink to the Hairy Avengers cause i hates the dawarfs but honestly theys arnt rilly that good. Soes i gonna votes for the Creepy Freek Slayers. I knows they aint that good niether but theys are still duwarfs, I think. The pony wot with the Mad Eye is the one most in need of the bath soes he gets my vote. I knows hes not reelly a duwarf but they ride him around and thas jus not rite.
- Verm Gombardi
-----
Tankz furz da Nomynat'nz!!
Tu ullz da koch'z whuz numynat'd uz wez appreziatz itz!! Enjuyz yur freez giftz ya 'emmroydz!!
http://www.reginaflatland.bloodbowlleag ... tionh.jpg- Da Big Green ´Un
-----
Yer Welcome
Da Commish has gone mad with power. Hees making a mockery of us all. Handing out bounteez left and rite and allways ta the rong playerz. He culd've cleaned up the league some with bounties on the rotten dawarfs (we came close to kleening thier clocks on Saturday, but alas). Or he culd've put the bounties on the stinkin' humes what are making us all look bad with there ring-around-the-rosy passing silliness. But thats not how he duz it.
So i sez "Lets clean up this league!" I'm gonna put my own bounty on... da commish hisself, Da Big Green On. Thas right, 50000 clams to the furst to rid us of this calamity. Say no to Duwarfs, say no to mary-go-round passin gamez and say no to the Big Green 'Un by chucking a rock at his 'ed.
Sinse were soon to haf an openning for top boss posishyen. I open the floor to nominashons and I hereby nominate ... Verm Gombardi. All in favour? "AYE!"
- Verm Gombardi
-----
Where in the Old World is Verm Gombardi?
Blood Bowl fans were shocked to see a new head coach at last nights game between the Slammin' Salmons and Da Rottin' Eye Raiderz.
Instead of the usual short stout slightly balding Gobbo there was a Beastly Goblin chicky in a sparkly princess uniform. She carried a magic wand with a star and kept prancing around in her ballet shoes.
"We kantz huv dyz kynda dyz'graz in Wegyna," stated Da Big Green 'Un in a formal press conference this morning.
"I know that woman... she used to be a tranny at the Rainbow!" stated Maurice de Mousier. "I think she went by the name Princess Patti Big Bawlz."
Adding further insult after the Raiderz 2 - 0 loss, their Trolls - Glob and Brute were supposedly forced onto the field adorned in pink tutus.
"Paty zayd wez huz to wayrz dem pynky tutuz ur elz zhe wuz gunna zitz on uz," stated Glob in a top secret interview. "I wuz zkar'd tu def."
Family members and a few of the Raiderz veterans (if you can call them that) are frantically searching for Verm Gombardi. But no one has seen or heard from him since his last match Saturday night.
"I think them Brimztone's roughed him up a bit after that sick post about bumping the Big Green 'Un." said Stan "da man" Ditka. "I mean look - Verm's team has played 12 games this season. 57 casualties received including 12 dead goblins. Do we really want a coach like this gaining the reigns on the RFBBL?" He has trouble enough with his depends AND keeping his boys alive. We would all be dead if that git was in charge."
The Brimztone Zlay'erz declined all comments.
In the meantime people have been warned that a few cravenly gits may try to impersonate him. Please don't fall for it people.
"Iz noz ytz 'ard tu dyztyngwiz Gobbos frum each uver. Butz wez gutz tu be zurz itz weely 'im. Ifz yuz zeez da reel Verm pweez bryng imz ztraatz tu mez." says the League Commissioner.
~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
-----
Yer Welcome - part 2
The Big Commish Goes absotutely Bonkers with Power
Have you evr sene such a blatant 'n grievous misuse of power. But if life gives you lemons than i sayz you jist rolls withem.
Now the big blockers up front have gots a new skillz set which i am sure will be useful in a pinch. And the truth iz, your truly has alwayz wanted to be a pretty goblin prinzess and i've gots the underpants to provet. Evryone knows goblin princess's hav all the fun, so until i can finds me a wizard wot nos the rite spells iama gonna make the most of the situashon.
I am hereby withdrawing my nominashin for Boss Verm Gombardi as new commish and nominatin' Princess Patti as commishner. All in favor? "AYE!"
PS. I've got some good chuckin' rocks so's just ask if you wants some.
- Princess Patti Big Bawlz
-----
False Alarms
After a week long manhunt Regina Police have discontinued their search for da Rottin' Eye Raiderz coach Verm Gombardi.
"The streets have been littered with Missing posters", stated Orange Bronco Crusher coach Mad Dog Madden. "Stuff like this is so good for the printing business, bless that Gobbo's soul!"
"With the recent warm weather this weekend, the streets have become quite hazardous for someone so small", says Golo Guildometer of the CBC environmental weather service. "A goblin could easily drown in all that mucky snow melt."
Chief missing person investigator, Constable Vingo McMurdy, has "supposedly" interrogated the entire Brimztone staff. Both McMurdy and Da Big Green 'Un have declined all comments.
"I wuz pwetty zure I zaw him frozen to da metal wyndow over at Dancer'z lazt week", said former team-mate Goblin Joe. "But it wuzn't 'im. Dat poor git - dat place haz been shutz down for u whyle now?"
Nobody was sure why Goblin Joe was at that location, however.
In the interim, da Rottin' Eye Raiderz have been an extremely quiet team this past week. Numerous false alarms must have them very tired. Or perhaps it is all the dodging away from Princess Patty Big Bawlz.
~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
----
to be continued...