The Pickled Pee-Wees Vs The S.M.U.R.F.S

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greywolf
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The Pickled Pee-Wees Vs The S.M.U.R.F.S

Post by greywolf »

Rusty Bowl Cup

The Teams:

The Pickled Pee-Wees
[9,000] Fans
[+2] FAME
Head Coach [Lord Drol]
[01] Deadwood [Bloodbark]
[02] Nocturnal Halfling [Count Von Weener]
[03] Pickled Halfling [Pickled Pepper]
[04] Pickled Halfling [Pickled Onion]
[05] Boarling [Mr Fluffy]
[06] Odd Fellow [Odd Socks]
[07] Odd Fellow [Odd Dick]
[08] Odd Fellow [Odd Bod]
[09] Odd Fellow [Odd Ball]
[10] Zombling [Frank E Stein]
[11] Zombling [Duracell]
[12] Zombling [Energizer]
[13] Zombling [EverReady]
[14] Zombling [Lobotomy]
[15] Zombling [Brain E Ack]
[16] Zombling [Einstein]
[3x] Re-Rolls
[1x] Fan-Factor

S.M.U.R.F.S
[4,000] Fans
[+0] FAME
Head Coach [Gargimal]
[01] Ogre [Clunk]
[02] Ogre [Clank]
[03] Ogre [Clack]
[04] Ogre [Clap]
[05] Snotling [Brainy]
[06] Snotling [Grouchy]
[07] Snotling [Jokey]
[08] Snotling [Handy]
[09] Snotling [Dreamy]
[10] Snotling [Clumsy]
[11] Snotling [Hefty]
[12] Snotling [Vanity]
[13] Bomber Dribble Snot [inducement]
[3x] Re-Rolls
[1x] Fan-Factor

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Post by greywolf »

“Welcome to another fantastic game of Blood Bowl I am your commentator R.I.P Torn for this match up of midget proportions. This encounter pits the Undead Halfling team The Pickled Pee Wees against their arch rivals the S.M.U.R.F.S. An Ogre Team that hails from Hamiltron” Sitting in the Commentators box was none other then R.I.P Torn the very pompous and Famous [Note:at least he thought he was famous] Vampire. He had been the star player in the popular Vampire team Blond Bitters unfortunately he had to accept an early retirement due to his thirst for red heads. This was in breach of his contract that stated only Blond's were to be bitten...

“With me is my lovely co-host Miss Lager who will if you weren't aware or just recently raised from a grave will be the new center fold in next months issue of Barmaids of the Old world.” R.I.P beamed at his gorgeous co-host, she wore her Bar maid's outfit and it clung to her very vulumptuious figure like a new leather glove did to its owners hand. Long Red flaming hair draped over her shoulder. Driving R.I.P crazy....

“thanks R.I.P for that warm welcome it gladdens my heart to be here.”
Miss Lagers chest rose with each breath , poor R.I.P was finding it hard to think.

“Now back to the game. We have a capacity crowd at the Rust Bowl home field of the Pickled Pee-Wees. Looks like their owner Lord Drol has raised more spectators then the snotlings could find. Last count had the Pee-Wee fans at 9,000 whilst the S.M.U.R.F.S could only manage 4,000.”

“I might add something R.I.P to that.” Miss Lager's chest heaved yet again as she took a breath between her words. To make matters even worse she crossed and uncrossed her shapely long legs which her barmaid dress barely covered [Note: Miss Lagers legs and breasts were insured with Hobble & Nobble insurance firm for more than 4 million gold pieces.] If its wasn't for the fact that R.I.P was chained to his desk he'd have jumped her then and there.

Calming himself he tried very hard to reply. “why yes my dear please do.” gritting his teeth he tried to think of nasty thoughts.... he tried his best imagining her covered in garlic, holy crosses whilst bathing in holy water....but all he could come up with was her wearing a very revealing nuns out fit....with a bloodwiser in hand...

“I believe the reason why so few S.M.U.R.F.S fans actually arrived was due to the Ogres feeling a bit peckish on the way to the Rusty Bowl and had a snack.” Finding it rather funny Miss Larger started to giggle. This of course made the whole stadium come to a stand still until she stopped. [Note: this action also caused many issues with the cabalvision viewers. Reported neck injuries increased by 80%, husband bashing was at an all time high of 120%, some husbands were reported to have been beaten to death then raised to be beaten again by their wives.]

"The S.M.U.R.F.S are about to kick off but I see Lord Drol is checking his play book and sets up his team in a brilliant defensive formation. I am certain this will help out later in this game yet again we see more brilliant coaching from him. "


Pickled Pee-Wees Turn 1

“well thanks Miss Lager for that..um well....now looks like the team are gathering at the dugouts.”
R.I.P wiped his brow.

The S.M.U.R.F.S started to head to the center of the pitch the smaller snotlings gibbering and gabbering at the larger Ogres trying desperately to heard them into position. The Sky darkened, clouds scudded across the blue sky to blot out the sun, sending gloomy shadows over the pitch. The Pickled Pee-Wees headed out next, lead out by their team captain Count Von Weener . The Pee-Wees set up facing the larger Ogres.

“well R.I.P looks like the Pee-Wee's deadwood Bloodbark is going to try and throw Odd Socks into the S.M.U.R.F.S half. Its looking good hes going...going...splat oh my god that's going to hurt.”

“so true Miss Lager looks like the Pee-wee's are going to loose their Odd Socks for a bit. And we've just received news he's going to be fine just needs to miss the next match and he'll be back to normal.”

“That's good to hear R.I.P. What a set back for the Pee-Wees looks like Pickled Pepper and Pickled Onion are both going to try and block against the Ogres they are both marking. This is a gutsy move by the Pee-Wees. Pickled Pepper launches himself at the Ogre Clap's groin, ouch! that's going to hurt. Clap is tittering he's wobbling and R.I.P he's down he's on his arse. Just waiting for the dust to settle to see if Pickled Pepper is o.k and yes we are seeing that he is still standing brushing the dust off.”

“amazing Miss Larger how something that small can cause that much excitement.” R.I.P turned and winked at Miss Larger, she giggles in return, which again causes a pause in the game till she stops.

“o.k R.I.P its Pickled Onions turn he's throwing him self at the Clack's leg trying to emulate his brother. What a hit the Ogre's leg has buckled and he's down, and its seems Pickled Onion has infact made the big brute cry. I knew Onions could do that but its a marvel to see it in action. Two gutsy performances by the Pickled brothers. It looked like both Pickled Halflings were going to topple over as well but their training and pickled power has seen them survive their blocks.”

“very true Miss Lager and now its their team Captain Count Von Weener making a blitz towards the Ogre Clack. look at the determination on his face. He's hit him hard but Clack has set his feet apart and he's only pushed back by the impact from Count Von Weener."


“Look R.I.P its the Pee-Wee's Boarling Mr Fluffy he's not hungry today so he's off racing towards the ball and he pounces. He miss-timed that one R.I.P the ball bounces away like an oiled up pig. You know R.I.P that reminds me of a time when myself and Miss stout, & Miss Lite-Larger entered in the Bretonian Oil wrestling champs last summer it was so much fun.”

“aarrggh!” R.I.P whimpered

“Are you o.k R.I.P?” she asked sympathetically

“Yes Miss Larger and its now a turn over due to the bumbling move from Mr Fluffy. Now lets see what the S.M.U.R.F.S will do with this bad start from the Pee-Wees.”

S.M.U.R.F.S Turn 1

“And there goes Clack blitzing back towards Count Von Weener its a great start no wait it looks like they are taking some advice from you Miss Larger and trying to wrestle each other and Count Von Weener is only pushed back.” R.I.P takes a swig of his Bloodwiser. “and this looks like its going to be a very quick turn as the rest of the S.M.U.R.F.S move into the line of scrimmage and mark up Pee-Wee players. Now its back to the Pee-Wee's to respond.”

Cheers
GW

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Post by greywolf »

Pickled Pee-Wees Turn 2

“Yes R.I.P and it looks like Mr Fluffy is going to try and make amends to the bumbling he did earlier. Oh no he's done it again...yes..no..yes...oh my he finally got it. Certainly looks like he was trying to dance with the ball rather than catch it.” Miss Lager took a dainty sip of her Lion-Ded beer. “He's off towards Odd Dick and he successfully hands Dick off...oops I mean he hands the ball off to Odd Dick.” Miss Lager tries to stifle the giggle and stop her cleavage from bouncing free of her low cut Barmaids outfit. “Looks Like Bloodbark the Pee-Wee's Deadwood is going to make a move he hasn't taken root so its all on now.”

“Yes lets hope he has better luck with Odd Dick then he did with Odd Socks. Odd Dick is up and its a hard throw lets hope he can make a safe landing in the S.M.U.R.F.S half. He made it and boy can that little odd fellow move will he make it to the end zone...” R.I.P leans over the counter as far as the chains will allow him to see the odd fellow run down the pitch.

“This is so exciting Odd Dick has made a full thrust into the S.M.U.R.F.S half, he's going for it, he's going for it and yes he scores!!!!! Pee-Wees 1, S.M.U.R.F.S 0.”
Miss Lager fans herself down with he delicate fingers. A nice red flush shades her cheeks.

“Now its the S.M.U.R.F.S turn to receive the ball.”R.I.P sits back in his chair taking a very big chug of his bloodwiser.


S.M.U.R.F.S Turn 2

“That was so exciting to see an Odd Dick score that way. I have not seen that happen before.”

“there's always a first.” R.I.P then quietly added under his breath. “though I am sure there's not many for you.”

“what was that R.I.P?” she innocently asks.

“Nothing my dear. Looks like the S.M.U.R.F.S have a quick snap, and Vanity Snotling gets a grab on the ball.”

“aren't they adorable, all small and blue. Did you know blue is my favorite colour?” she purred.

“well we do now. Now Clap is going to try where Clack failed and Blitz Count Von Weener. Oh what a shame the Count dodges back and is only pushed back.” R.I.P turns to see The Pee-Wee fans roaring their approval at the big guys lack of blocking skills.

“I can see that R.I.P. Also the little Snotling Grouchy is going to try his best to block Zombling Duracell its not looking good for Grumpy as they are both about to go down but hold on Grumpy is able to push Duracell back what a clever S.M.U.R.F.” Miss Lager grips her microphone tightly sending a groan through out the male fans who are more interested in watching her antics then the midget fest on the pitch.

“Here comes a crusher of a tackle from Ogre Clunk who is assisted by that small fry Grumpy. He's been a great help on that pitch doing every thing he can.” R.I.P waves at his small cadre of fans. A group of Red headed princess that were visiting from Bretonia.

“unfortunately Clunk does a right clunker and knocks both himself and the count down to the ground. No injuries as far as I can see. Back to you R.I.P”

"Well its another quick turn from the S.M.U.R.F.S. now lets check back to see what the Pee Wees have in store for the blue bumbling brutes."R.I.P stifles a yawn...

Cheers
GW

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Post by greywolf »

Pickled Pee-Wees Turn 3

“well its back to the Pee Wee's who are still in the lead 1-0. Seems Pickled Pepper has it in for the midget Vanity and nails him to the deck. Ooh he's out cold its not looking good for Vanity as he's carted off the pitch. Not liking the way his neck is hanging it could be broken. He won't be back for the awhile.” The crowd went wild at Pickled Peppers harsh blitz on Vanity Snotling.

“Yes R.I.P the horde do love the sound of broken bones. I am sure I saw Lord Drol rub his hands gleefully when he saw that poor blue smudge been carted off. But the S.M.U.R.F.S owner Gargimal has confirmed that Vanity will only miss the next game while the Apothecary patch him up with the new and improved iron collar. Looks like Drol has missed out on another new sign up for the Pickled Pee Wees.” Miss Lager wiped a sympathetic tear from her beautiful blue eyes.

“Mr Fluffy is trying to clear the ball from his half he dodges past Clap and makes a dash for the S.M.U.R.F.S endzone. And here comes Bloodbark who throws Odd Bod across the Line of scrimmage he dashes towards Mr Fluffy to protect his nether regions from any Ogre brutality.” R.I.P stifles another yawn. The gloomy overcast sky was muted by Vampirc Glass that had been necrotempered to protect him from any sunlight.

“hehe, nether regions that was a good one R.I.P” Miss Lager laughed causing the north side of the stadium to start a necrowave. 12 concussions, 3 dismemberment's and 2 deaths occurred due to all of the flying rubbish, daggers, and glass bottles that accompanied a necrowave. “Looks to me the rest of the Pee Wees are striding forward to mark the S.M.U.R.F.S. And that sees the end of their turn.”

S.M.U.R.F.S Turn 3

“Here comes Clap he's going to try and blitz Mr Fluffy and hope for a turnover. But whats this that thick dolt is sitting down and picking his noes. What a waste.” R.I.P shakes head in disgust.

“At least Ogre Clunk had a better go stunning Zombling Lobotomy. Even with help from Clank, Brainy Snotling couldn't do any better just merely pushing back Count Von Weener. Not much else to add regarding the rest of the S.M.U.R.F.S turn.” Miss Lager sighed as the Pee Wees prepared to engage the S.M.U.R.F.S.

Cheers
GW

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Post by greywolf »

Pickled Pee-Wees Turn 4

“Well that was an uneventful turn lets hope the Pee Wees have a better run.” R.I..P observed.

“Well my pointy tooth friend its not going well for the Pickled midgets. Odd Bod blocks against Handy Snotling and gets to push him around. Zombling Frank E Stein also pushes back Grouchy, Whilst Zombling Energizer has pushed back Hefty Snotling. A lot of pushing and shoving and not much else. Sounds like a night out with you R.I.P” Miss Lager smirks at the Vampire.

“Well now my dear that was a miss understanding I had know idea it was you if I had it would have been different ...” R.I.P's words trail off. He even looked a little ashamed. “We'll chat about that latter my darling as Pickled Onion is about to blitz Clumsy Snotling and what a hit that was. Poor little Clumsy he's seeing stars now and is out for the count. This is beginning to be a brutal game. In the excitement Mr Fluffy obviously full of truffles sneaks down the pitch towards the S.M.U.R.F.S endzone. Oh what a tragedy Count Von Weener threw himself at Clunk and slipped in the process both are down and its a turnover.” R.I.P's voice echoed over the pitch.

S.M.U.R.F.S Turn 4

“well that's not so bad compared with the S.M.U.R.F.S previous turn so lets see what they can do now. But before we get to see these blundering behemoths lets catch a word with our sideline reporter Rotten Randy.” Miss Lagers voice quivered with suppressed revulsion

“Randy are you there?” the Vampire questioned his microphone.

“Yeah Randy here. Its looking good down here, certainly can see a lot going on.” Randy wheezed as he peered up under the commentators booth. He could easily see Miss Lagers legs through the necrotempered glass and was really enjoying his job.

“Anything more to add Randy?” R.I.P eagerly asked the Zombie.

“Not much just watching the action as it unfolds.” as he sneaked another peek up Miss Lager's skirt.

“Well umm thanks for that Randy keep up the good work and now its looks like Clap has decided this time he's going to sit down and pick his ears clean of wax. Must need more candles ewww. What else is going on Miss Lager?”

“Well R.I.P I see that Dreamy Snotling is chasing after Mr Fluffy, not sure he's going to make but wait he is going for it, going for it he's caught him. And here comes Handy Snotling to blitz Mr Fluffy ouch what a hit, he's been thrown around like a puppies chew toy. Well poor Mr Fluffy is out for the count lets hope he regains consciousness to come back into the game.”

“Sad news regarding Mr Fluffy. The ball bounces free and settles not far from the S.M.U.R.F.S endzone. Now it looks like Clunk is going to try to block Pickled Onion oh no Pickled Onion trips over his bandages and falls to the pitch what a stumble that was.” R.I.P shakes his head. “Maybe next time he'll tie up any loose ends before he stands in front of an Ogre.”

“Yes what a simple and silly mistake he's made, nothing else to say but I see Grouchy is heading to his own endzone to try and clear out the ball. Otherwise that's it for this turn.” Miss Lager leans back in her chair thrusting her assets out towards the crowd. A Roar of approval shakes the booth and 13,000 die hard blood bowl fans yell out “Miss Lager! Miss Lager!” To satisfy the crowd she stretches her arms up causing more fabric to tighten up then should be allowed.

“O.k this has gone on to long Miss Lager please stop teasing the crowd we have jobs to do.” R.I.P chewed his words as if he had something rotten in his mouth.

“R.I.P I hope your not jealous of my loyal fans? Please tell me your not” Miss Lager tried to look innocent but failed horribly.”

“forget about its now the Pee Wees turn and lets see what brilliant coaching Lord Drol can do to inspire his team.” R.I.P's tone was frosty very frosty, it gave Miss Lager a chill which unfortunately turned her from low beam to high beam this almost blinded the cabalvision camera man and the viewers in Dorkland were temporarily blinded whilst trialing the new tri-dimension glasses. [Note: some of the more rural bumpkins call this new product in its simplified name 3D]

Cheers
GW

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