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Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Team Blog
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Author:  SunDevil [ Mon Sep 22, 2014 2:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Team Blog

Team Link -

Sep. 8th, 2514


The Southstorm Squig Chasers, one of the Old World's most famous Goblin teams, recently sent a Cease-and-Desist letter to a local franchise for name infringement. The Hooligan's press agent was quoted as saying, "Already? Man, that was fast."

The letter claims that the local team, now known as the Red Mountain Hooligans, infringed upon the name "Southstorm Squig Chasers" by calling themselves the "Southstorm Squig Chasers". Even for Goblins, this was not bright.

Hooligan's coach "Cheats" McGuire denied requests for an interview but released this statement - "The Hooligans are looking forward to a season of cheating...I mean playing Blood Bowl."

Hooligan Looney Willy Cutcha said, "I wouldn't stand there if I were you."

Author:  SunDevil [ Mon Sep 22, 2014 2:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Sep. 20th, 2514


The Hooligans fell heroically to the Fuzz Squad yesterday by the it-had-to-be-closer-than-it-sounds-right? score of 6-1. The Skaven took the pitch wearing costumes of animals other than Rats and that really confused the normally clear-thinking and rational Goblins. The team had a lot to say after the extremely close and controversial loss.

"Shouldn't they be called the FuzzY Squad with those outfits?" observed "Future Cas" Kazlowski.

"DUCK!!!" yelled every Goblin right before being hit by the duck-costume-wearing Skaven Blitzers. Or right before being thrown by a Troll. "DUCK!!!" was actually shouted quit a lot.

"Those costumes seem hot in this weather, I'm concerned for their health." said no one.

"I thought we hired an Apoth?" is what Goblin Number Eleven would have said if the team had woken up the Apoth to save him after he was killed.

Coach "Cheats" McGuire vowed after the game to file a formal complaint with the league about enforcing uniform policies, which the league does not have. "Dressing up like cats and penguins is how teams cheat now? I don't understand a world where that nonsense out-cheats a chainsaw!"

Looking ahead, the Skaven helped the Hooligans prepare for their Week Two match by only allowing their Looney, Fanatic and Bomber on the pitch for one turn each. They should be well-rested! The Hooligan's press agent released this statement, "Thanks creepy cosplaying rats!" The actual team itself then vowed to balance the universe by showing that much bad sportsmanship against the Woodies next week.

Roster News - The Hooligans added Goblin Jimmy Two-Boots to the active roster after open tryouts. He was the only one that showed up. He was lost. After being told he had made the team, he was quoted as saying, "What?" The team has high hopes for him!

Author:  Axtklinge [ Thu Sep 25, 2014 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

I would LOVE to see pics, if the mentioned cosplaying controversy was literal.

Oh, and next time the gobbos face those "duck-looking-rats", should dress themselves as "20-Gauge shotgun bearing cats"!
That should both teach them something (while covering all options)...

Author:  SunDevil [ Fri Sep 26, 2014 10:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

@Axtklinge - The Skaven coach was playing handmade miniatures of cats, ducks, etc. :)

Sep. 26th, 2514


GALLIFREY - The Hooligans played their first away game of the season at The Glade, the home stadium of the Gallifrey Gallopers Wood Elf franchise. They did everything better than those prissy Elves and lost 5-4.

Star Players Fungus the Loon and Nobbla Blackwort were called in to help our lads' cause and also be paid stupid amounts of gold. When told their gold had been eaten by the Wood Elves and that they would need to get it out, the two Stars did their ineffectual best. But when the Gallopers galloped (too soon?) out to a 2-0 lead, Fungus and Nobbla simply mugged several spectators and hit the road.

The Hooligans' rostered weapons specialists all apparently were unhappy about their paltry contracts when compared to the Star's pay, so they all decided to do nothing. Either that, or they are just not that good. Maybe both!

The Hooligans were so busy trying to injure and foul the Wood Elves that they had no idea of the score. Goblin Zeb the Liar found himself holding the spiked ball midway through the first half.

"I went up to Big Ed...or maybe it was Bigger Ed...and kicked him in the shins. We practice that play, it means knock over a Woodie so I can bash his skull in with this mace!" When asked if, by 'mace', he meant 'ball', his response was, "What?"

Most of the crowd was still watching at this point, wondering why more blood had not been spilled and also not wanting to be caught unaware by an errant bomb. Most of them watched Big Ed...or Bigger Ed... snatch up Zeb the Liar and throw him downfield. "'E were kickin' me inna shins, the dirty git! So's I slung 'im! Is 'e dead?"

Zeb managed to land on his feet and realized he could score! Not much later, coach 'Cheats' McGuire called the play again, and 'One Ear' Westerman had his first career touchdown!

During halftime, the Hooligans schemed to scheme better and the Gallopers permed their hair. The second half saw The Master, Galloper Wardancer, notch two casualties but our lads were so tough they'll be back next match. When asked what kind of name 'The' was, the Wood Elf looked offended and just stared.

The Wood Elves scored twice while the Hooligans decided to punt another Goblin downfield, this time King Joe of 9th Street. "I just pretended the endzone was 9th Street, because I'm from 9th Street!" Despite his limited intelligence, he managed to score! A hired wizard had zapped a Wood Elf Catcher with a lightning bolt to jar the ball loose so it could be picked up by 'Steady' Eddy, who delivered it to King Joe!

At this point, the Hooligan's noticed the Wood Elves were performing an illegal procedure! Coach 'Cheats' McGuire immediately reported the Elves! "The Woodies are our opponent, but the REFS are our enemies! Plus, nobody does nothing illegal but us!"

Zeb the Liar got greedy and was thrown for his second touchdown. "I got a hat trick!" he began screaming while still in the air.

While the teams prepared for their final drive with the score squarely in the Goblins' favor at 4-4, the Hooligans noticed KOed Goblins were slow to return. Rookie Jimmy Two-Boots had this to say, "Why did we have a Human cheerleader in the KO dugout? Is she a juggler? Did she bring food? Does she know any Goblin girls?" The team has promised to look into this controversy!

The Wood Elves scored and won 5-4 but the highlight of the game for all involved was the death of Wood Elf LineElf #12 Abzorbaloff. He attempted to really go for it to impress Galloper Coach Buccicone by marking one of the Eds. Sadly or hilariously depending on what team you root for, he approached from the rear and was killed outright by the stench.

After the game, it was discovered that, despite the 24000 fans, the two teams earned a combined $40,000 gold pieces. Everyone immediately suspected the Goblins stole the rest. Authorities say their hands are tied because the Goblins likely lost it as soon as they took it. "Perfect crime!" said several Goblins! "Even our mistakes are brilliant!"

The Hooligans take on a Lizardman team called Farmer's Market next week. They are suspected hippies. Should be fun!

Author:  Axtklinge [ Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog


Looking forward to read how the Hooligans fare in the Market!

Please keep 'em coming,


PS: Seriously... what kind of name is "The"?

Author:  SunDevil [ Sun Oct 12, 2014 11:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Oct. 12th, 2514



LUSTRIA - On their recent road trip to Lustria, our Hooligans did everything but score touchdowns as they lost to the traveling Lizard troupe Famer's Market 3-0.

Coach 'Cheats' McGuire pulled out all the stops by sending out all 12 Hooligan players to defend the opening drive. "We make our own rules...because we don't understand the normal rules." said the crafty goblin during a postgame buffet.

The pressure approach continued as the goblins pulled off a blitz before the opening kick even hit the ground! With the ball headed safely to the northeast corner, Loony Willy Cutcha chainsawed Saurus Golden Delicious, stunning the large reptile!

"'E 'ad no idea I wuz comin'! Plus, wit dat name, he needed a good cuttin'!"

Both teams proceeded to treat the spectators with some finely crafted playcalling as all seven combined reroll wizards were gone by turn three.

The Hooligans managed to break into the Lizard cage and Zeb the Liar was ready to diving tackle the ballcarrier if needed but Mushroom the skink fails the dodge out of sheer fear! The ball scatters, the goblins scooped it up and try to hand off for an easy score but goblin Jimmy Two-Boots dropped the handoff! "I was raised to never take anything from a goblin."

A scrum ensued before Steady Eddy, Hooligan Pogoer, tried to heroically leap in and help his teammates. He crashed and died. The team apoth saved him, leaving Coach McGuire to facepalm.

The Lizards scored and the stadium erupted with booing as the refs ejected three goblin players for "weapons".

After the Lizards scored, Big Ed was too stupid to throw a goblin with the ball. Or too smart. "I wuz raised to not to take goblins with things."

He had one more chance before the half, and threw Jimmy Two-Boots to a wide open area of the pitch with Saurus draped all over him! Well within scoring range, Jimmy began celebrating before even landing and bungled it badly, making a hilarious noise as he hit the turf!

The second half began with the third Big Ed/Jimmy Two-Boots score attempt and Jimmy stuck the landing! The problem was he was way too far away to score as Big Ed had been throwing directly into the wind! So he scampered back behind the trolls on the goblin side!

After the Lizards rushed in, Big Ed pulled a surprise play and tried to EAT Jimmy Two-Boots! Jimmy was pretty surprised! The goblin squirmed free but bounced off a lizard on the way down and the ball was loose!

Sprouts the Skink grabbed the ball, but tripped twice over the endzone! Reports of goblins high-fiving and talking about a 'tripwire' remain unconfirmed.

Zeb the Liar scooped up the ball but was all alone, so he ran to the corner of the lizard endzone, signing autographs and taunting lizards to push him into the crowd!

Which they did. The crowd threw the ball back to midpitch but kept Zeb. Pogoer Steady Eddy tried another leap, fell, and injured himself. Again. The League is looking into a new nickname for him Early research shows strong support for 'Idiot' or 'Moron'.

The Market scored again and then delivered a lovely coffin-corner kick. Zeb the Liar refused to be pushed around (or play the ball), and fouled a skink with two Saurus grabbing him! He was easily caught by the refs and ejected. He was hailed as a hero by the goblin crowd.

'Future Cas' Kazlowski, then found himself with the ball and his only remaining teammate were the Ed brothers, both Trolls too far away to help. Kaz did the only thing a goblin can do in that situation - he ran over and stomped a fallen skink! Nuffle was not kind and the skink survived.

The lizards promptly KOed Kaz and scored again.

With the lizards celebrating and every goblin injured or KOed or ejected, the Ed brothers were left all alone at midpitch, discussing art and philosophy. Or drooling. Probably drooling.

Author:  SunDevil [ Sun Oct 26, 2014 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Oct. 26th, 2514



CHANCEBURG - The Hooligans travled to the interstate mining town of Chanceburg to play some Blood Bowl and were beaten soundly when Dwarves showed up. The final was 2-0 in touchdowns scored, 4-2 in casualties caused and 191-0 in beers drunk.

After the Dwarves received, bomber Bob Zuhway, Esq got things started by throwing a bomb that Longbeard Oxford Kalona intercepted and returned to Bob directly. Bob blew himself up but was still later named MVP for having the first successful completion in franchise history. He promptly side-stepped new contract talks and was cut from the team.

With the Hooligans best shot at breaking up the revolutionary Dwarf offensive tactic called "The Cage", the Placenames shambled drunkenly down the pitch for an easy TD.

The ensuing kick saw the Dwarf coach call the Hooligans on an illegal procedure penalty. He was overheard arguing with the officlals and saying something about 'not being up 3-0 yet' or something.

Later, King Joe of 9th Street KOed Longbeard Stuart Panora with a well-placed and especially disgusting boot but things continued downhill for the Hooligans. First, they remembered they were playing against Dwarves. Then Dwarves began to stand next to them and 'tackle' our lads into multiple turnovers.

Looney Willy Cutcha failed to break a Trollslayers armor and was KOed. Bigger Ed knocked a Longbeard out for the game but the drive stalled when the Holigan's coach 'Cheats' McGuire forgot to have a probability wizard help when Fanatic Dizzy Dirk went for it and fell down spinning. That's not cheating coach, that's just dumb!

The Goblin attack was thwarted by the brilliant Dwarven defense of 'standing next to goblins and waiting for them to fall down'. It worked and the Beards went into halftime up 1-0.

The second half was more of the same - Dwarves simply walked up to the goblins and watched failure ensue. Reports began coming in that the coach actually DID have a genius plan but the Dwarves were too drunk to hear him shouting.

After a goblin fell down escaping the Dwarves amazing and totally-deserved tackling ability, Placeburg Runner Altoona Bondurant scooped up the rock and began stumbling toward the team's second score. Bigger Ed the Troll decided to take matters into his own rather limited brain and actually dodged into the open field to give chase! He then tried to outblock a Dwarf and was headbutted in a sensitive area for his troubles! As he crashed to earth, nearby players heard him shout, "I'll take the ssskkkuuullll!"

Dwarves actually threw a pass, taking full advantage of the suddenly half-empty pitch! But after a heroic goblin blitz ended up failing because of the Dwarves brilliant tackling (Editor's Note - We endorse constant sarcasm regarding Dwarven 'tackling'.), Bondurant fell down in the endzone, another victim of the Hooligan's sneaky tripwire installation!

Our Hooligans made a desperate attempt at the ball, but were blocked and tackled into oblivion yet again. Dwarves gathered up the ball at mid-pitch and headed for the endzone. After a Trollslayer injured Steady Eddy the Pogoer, the Hooligans were left with two trolls and a single goblin on the pitch! At this point, the Dwarves did the only thing they could possibly do in this situation and stalled for several turns! The pro-goblin side of the stadium cheered as this was clearly a victory for the Hooligans, no matter what the 'score' says on the biased, home-team scoreboard.

After the game, rookie bomber Short Fuze was brought up from the Hooligan's farm team, literally a squig farm the team bus passed on the way home.

Next week, the Hooligans take on division rival Oblique Approach, a Necro team clearly hoping to confuse our lads with their bizarre name. 'One Ear' Westerman, who missed the Dwarf match with a bruised ego, said "Won't work, we play our best confoozled!"

Author:  Axtklinge [ Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

SunDevil wrote:
After the Lizards rushed in, Big Ed pulled a surprise play and tried to EAT Jimmy Two-Boots! Jimmy was pretty surprised!

SunDevil wrote:
At this point, the Dwarves did the only thing they could possibly do in this situation and stalled for several turns! The pro-goblin side of the stadium cheered as this was clearly a victory for the Hooligans, no matter what the 'score' says on the biased, home-team scoreboard.

Spot on 'goblin humour' pearls!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  SunDevil [ Mon Oct 27, 2014 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Thanks, glad you are enjoying these! Also, I apologize for the typos. :D

Author:  Wifflebat [ Mon Oct 27, 2014 7:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Okay, I've heard you talk about the Chanceburg Placenames on the show, and I thought it was pretty clever. But that the player names would be composed of actual place names never occurred to me, and I love it... There's a freeway exit around these parts that reads "Bucyrus Van Wert" and I'm thinking I might make him the coach of one of my teams in tribute.

Author:  Saebelsultan [ Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Love the blog! Keep it up!
I check regularly for updates and enjoyed them all!

Author:  mzukerman [ Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

SunDevil wrote:
...the Ed brothers were left all alone at midpitch, discussing art and philosophy. Or drooling. Probably drooling.

"Ed, what da meaning of life?"

"Duh, I don't know, what da meaning of life?"

"We here to punk gobbos and kick beastmen."

"Zound good. What about eatin'?"

"Ed, we eat pounded goblin and kicked beastmen!"


Author:  SunDevil [ Tue Dec 02, 2014 12:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

Dec. 1st, 2514



RED MOUNTAIN – The Hooigans hosted a performance art troupe that occasionally plys Blood Bowl this past weekend when the Necro menagerie Oblique Approach came to town. Our lads fouled their way to a 3-1 loss but the Necro will remember them!

The Approach received the opening kick and this angered the local fans so much so (or maybe it was the overpriced stadium ale!) that they hurled a rock onto the pitch! It found the back of star player Nobbla Blackwort’s skull and killed him outright! Rumors of his death were quickly exaggerated as his special apothecary resurrected him and he snuck out of the stadium with his head hung low in shame.

A Wight calling himself ‘askew’ scored what would prove to be the first of several touchdowns but the teams set up for the ensuing kick. The Hooligans sent out thirteen players and even had three in the near widezone but the Necro were too self-absorbed to notice.

The Hooligan moved the ball to mid-pitch before everything went crazy…just the way our lads like it! Big Ed refused to act for three straight turns, choosing instead to stand still as to not disturb the butterfly that had landed on his nose. King Joe of 9th Street fouled werewolf Aslant for the third time in the first half, finally ringing his bell so hard that the mangy dog will miss this game and next!

Wight #3 ‘skew’ took umbrage at that and attempted to fight uphill against Dizzy Dirk, the fanatic! He caught the business end of Dirk’s ball-and-chain (that would be the ball) square in the face and suffered a smashed ankle on his way to the pitch. He was so surprised that he failed to regenerate! That’ll slow him down, folks!

As the Hooligans moved into Necro territory, the Obliques took out Dirk while Willy Cutcha, our faithful Looney, failed to remove any Necro players but double oned himself right out of the match!

Steady Eddy the Pogoer saw a chance to push the remaining werewolf into the crowd and it failed spectacularly! The Necro popped the ball out and a nearby flesh golem caught it! The Hooligans fried the Golem with a lightning bolt and King Joe made 5 dodges plus a pick up to score and tie the game at 1-1!

The lads loose their bomber to a biased ref and bribe another ref to bring back the Looney for a single turn. That’s fouling money, you say? Exactly, we have no idea what the coach was thinking. Or IF.

The second half opened with a pitch invasion. Apparently the crowd had not settled down about the stadium ale prices, or maybe they decided to tear down the commissary and steal all the booze. Reports are still coming in. Either way, 5 of the 8 remaining Hooligans were stunned, including both trolls. Three goblins grab the ball and run to the near widezone hoping for the best. They clearly have no concept of what ‘best’ means.

Wight #4 badly hurts Steady Eddy and the Necro swarm in. What follows is too grisly to print in a family publication like this but suffice it to say the Necro scored twice more while the Hooligans made us proud as they continued to foul down to the very last goblin.

After the game, Coach McGuire was asked about his revolutionary tactic of playing 13 against 11. “We do things the Hooligan way, not the right way.”

Author:  Axtklinge [ Mon Jan 05, 2015 9:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

SunDevil wrote:
“We do things the Hooligan way, not the right way.”

:lol: :lol: :lol:

And that should teach them Necros to do their math properly, BEFORE the game, not after.

Author:  SunDevil [ Mon Jan 05, 2015 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Red Mountain Hooligans Goblin Season One Team Blog

I got backed up for the holidays but I have THREE game reports to do! Stay tuned!

Here's a spoiler - we did NOT lose them all!

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