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 Post subject: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:24 pm 
Super Star
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It seems like this forum is the best place to attempt to catalog the many, varied types of players who make Blood Bowl what it is.

Feel free to add your own. Please try to keep this thread positive and amusing, so no names.

Just a list of some of the more memorable players you've encountered in leagues and at tournaments, such as ... ...


The Terrible Halfling player
Maybe he doesn't know the rules, maybe he can't plan ahead, but wow does this player suck. He tries to cover it by playing Halflings, and he gets splattered game after game. Games which usually end with the one remaining Halfling failing a 3 dice against blitz on the opposing ball carrier. But everyone knows Halflings are a terrible team, right?
Quote: "Can we make a house rule that lets me roster more than 16 players?"

Rube Goldberg
(For reference: Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist in the 50s, best known for designing elaborately complicated machines to solve trivial tasks)
Some players turn overthinking their turn into an art form. If they throw a block here, they can chain push your player into their sidestepper, who can then hop next to the target, throw a block which from that angle can knock your player onto the ball, which, with a scatter, can go out of bounds ...
At the end of their turn, you're not sure whether to admire their sheer audacity and genius, or burst their bubble by pointing out he could have just dodged out on a 3+ ...
Quote: "... and then, hand-off action ...!"

The Whiner
Dreaded staple of tournaments and leagues everywhere. Every time you knock down one of his players, he just shakes his head and winces like he's physically in pain. Sometimes explodes if you knock out one of his players, but what really sets him off are snake eyes, double skulls, or wasted rerolls. Clearly hates Blood Bowl and makes everyone around him miserable. But we keep him around, because if we're being honest, we're all this guy sometimes, just waiting for a failed GFI in the end zone.
Quote: "That's your third knockout, and you haven't even had a turnover yet. I hate this f*cking game".

The Awesome Halfling Player
Probably one of the best players in the league. Won the last three Super Bowls, taught everyone in your league to play, wants to be fair and wants a challenge so he's playing Halflings this season.
And he just still keeps winning. Probably not as much as before, but he's still in the playoff picture.
And you know you're going to face him late in the season, needing a win, knowing that he's one TTM play away from ruining your season. Oh, and he also leads the league in foul kills.
Quote: "You know, this team's a lot more fun than I thought it would be!" (after fouling your wardancer off the field for the second time)

The Noob-Crusher
He's not a bad coach, but he's kind of a bully. And there's nothing he likes more than decimating an overmatched opponent who doesn't yet know how assists work. Who knows how many rookies he's cost your league, after their first and only Blood Bowl experience was against him. Somehow he's never around when the league veterans are looking for an opponent.
Quote: "I hear you're looking to learn the game. I haven't managed to play my Dwarves since they broke 2k. My place?"

The Artiste
He may be good or bad at the game, but every single model he owns looks like it belongs in a museum. It's possible that the only reason he plays is to see more models, or possibly to show off. Has more "Best Painted" trophies than you have teams. He doesn't have a painting table at home, he has a painting room. Almost always a fun guy to chat with, but it's intimidating to put the team you *thought* came out really well on the same field as his.
Quote: "And if you look here, I modeled a team logo on the shoulder pads using Green Stuff ..."

The Drunk:
A fixture at every tournament where liquor is served. The one working on his first beer before Round 1 even starts. And orders his second before halftime.
Sometimes a lot of fun, depending on when you have to play him. Sometimes not. Sometimes disappears for 20 minutes at a time to the bathroom.
Quote: "Ok, I'll grab the next round while you're setting up".

The Pro:
Win a few games in a row at a tournament, and suddenly you're facing some coach who's just way out of your league. (If this never happens to you, then congratulations, you ARE this guy). And the game starts just fine, when suddenly, he makes a few moves ... you're not sure what he's doing or why ... and then your turn starts, and your only options are risky dodges or uphill blocks. And if any of them fail, he's hitting your ball carrier. You look at the turn marker, realize it's only turn 4, and that it's going to be a long, looong game.
Quote: "You were doing fine until you failed that dodge"


Who else have you seen in our weird little tribe??

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:44 pm 
Star Player
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These are amazing :lol:

May I suggest a few...

The Cheat
Someone who frequently 'forgets' basic rules. It's amazing how selective a memory can be. Strange how he never seems to forget the rules that affect him positively.
Oh yeah, you're right, didn't mean to set up five guys in the wide zone. Oh, it was Pouring Rain? Whoops, thought Ogres had Strong Arm...

The Clutz
Some people really respect their miniatures, their boards, their dice, their dice-cups... Not this guy. This chap knocks over minis, drops dice on the floor, knocks the board several inches when he stands up, scattering the minis all over the place. Careful when he reaches for the interception ruler, you could lose an eye. Whoops!
Er, sorry about that. Was he an expensive model?

The Hustler
You sit opposite him. He seems nice enough, not someone you'd think is a fantastic coach. He's using a crummy team, a strange build. He's bigging you up, telling you he doesn't stand a chance. You got this. Six turns later you're three-nil down and your head hurts. Turns out this guy really knows his stuff.
I must have just gotten lucky! You'll get me next time.

The Ancient
This guy has been playing Blood Bowl ever since JJ thought of it one afternoon. He's got minis older than you are. They're probably unpainted though. Nary a skill or player gets mentioned without them telling you how it was in the good ol' days.
Did you know Griff used to be able to leap? I think I have a 2nd Ed Griff in my bag here...

The Bloodthirsty
He doesn't care if he wins or loses. He doesn't mind if he scores exactly 0 touchdowns. Passing? Nah. Ball handling? What's that? What this guy does like though is a huge casualty box. Kill all menz, indeed!
I have nine Mighty Blow on this team.

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 11:46 pm 
Ex-Mega Star, now just a Super Star
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The Drop Out
Never heard of him

:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 9:20 am 
Legend
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I think I've been all of those during at least one match.... :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 12:25 pm 
Super Star
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One guy I forgot yesterday:

The Gentle Giant
This guy's usually a way better coach than you. But it doesn't matter. He's just so much fun to be around, and talk to, that you just also start having fun and enjoying the game. This guy's love of Blood Bowl is just so overwhelming that it improves everyone else's experience. At the end of the game, no matter the score, both of you are laughing and relaxed and just tossing out dice because Blood Bowl is silly and it's supposed to be fun.
The exact polar opposite of the Whiner. And sadly, much rarer.

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:43 pm 
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The Shaman
We all have our superstitions when it comes to playing Blood Bowl but this guy has taken it to another level. From the dizzying array of talismans to the arcane ritual that precedes important rolls, he knows deep down that Nuffle's favour can be bought if only he can finally crack the code. Never, ever touch this man's dice.
Quote: "I can't use the those dice again until they can be cleansed. I hope you're happy."


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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:58 pm 
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The Time Traveler
Whilst he may initially seem to be in the here-and-now this player is only ever one failed roll away from careening off down another leg of the trousers of time. May you have thought he just suffered a turnover but you won't get your turn until he has finished playing out the move that never was. When he eventually concludes his temporally unmooored excursion and cedes control of the pitch you can at least be sure of the conclusion.
Quote: "I was robbed."


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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:39 pm 
Super Star
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Dicehammer
This guy knows that dice roll better when they're scared, and that nothing scares them more than getting choke-slammed into the table at warp speed.
Usually armed with a cast-iron dice cup, the Dicehammer rolls every die like it owes him money, slamming them into the table like a human pile driver. The board jumps in the air, figures are knocked out of their square, people at other tables look up, and you half expect the cops to arrive, asking about the beating a witness heard.
You'd better hope he doesn't start rolling 1's or skulls, or those assaults will be accompanied by a war cry and possibly leave divots in the table.
Quote: "Two die block ..." SLAM "Knockdown, here's the armor ..." SLAM "Injury roll ..." SLAM

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:45 pm 
Da Spammer
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I hate playing, or even being a few boards down from, the Dicehammer, especially if I'm hungover.
Probably the worst on this list.

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 6:44 pm 
Legend
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Darkson wrote:
I hate playing, or even being a few boards down from, the Dicehammer, especially if I'm hungover.
Probably the worst on this list.


Yeah those guys suck, down with dicecups in general. :puke:

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2017 8:20 pm 
Emerging Star
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hutchinsfairy has an entertaining writing style.


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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:46 am 
Rookie
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rolo wrote:
Dicehammer


That's me! Someone at the Waterbowl '17 told me that he was scared of me breaking my dicecup or the table :orc:

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:34 am 
Legend
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rakkzul wrote:
rolo wrote:
Dicehammer


That's me! Someone at the Waterbowl '17 told me that he was scared of me breaking my dicecup or the table :orc:

Stop doing it.

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 Post subject: Re: A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
 Post Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:09 pm 
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harvestmouse wrote:
hutchinsfairy has an entertaining writing style.

Thanks!


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