A Guide to Blood Bowl Players
Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 9:24 pm
It seems like this forum is the best place to attempt to catalog the many, varied types of players who make Blood Bowl what it is.
Feel free to add your own. Please try to keep this thread positive and amusing, so no names.
Just a list of some of the more memorable players you've encountered in leagues and at tournaments, such as ... ...
The Terrible Halfling player
Maybe he doesn't know the rules, maybe he can't plan ahead, but wow does this player suck. He tries to cover it by playing Halflings, and he gets splattered game after game. Games which usually end with the one remaining Halfling failing a 3 dice against blitz on the opposing ball carrier. But everyone knows Halflings are a terrible team, right?
Quote: "Can we make a house rule that lets me roster more than 16 players?"
Rube Goldberg
(For reference: Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist in the 50s, best known for designing elaborately complicated machines to solve trivial tasks)
Some players turn overthinking their turn into an art form. If they throw a block here, they can chain push your player into their sidestepper, who can then hop next to the target, throw a block which from that angle can knock your player onto the ball, which, with a scatter, can go out of bounds ...
At the end of their turn, you're not sure whether to admire their sheer audacity and genius, or burst their bubble by pointing out he could have just dodged out on a 3+ ...
Quote: "... and then, hand-off action ...!"
The Whiner
Dreaded staple of tournaments and leagues everywhere. Every time you knock down one of his players, he just shakes his head and winces like he's physically in pain. Sometimes explodes if you knock out one of his players, but what really sets him off are snake eyes, double skulls, or wasted rerolls. Clearly hates Blood Bowl and makes everyone around him miserable. But we keep him around, because if we're being honest, we're all this guy sometimes, just waiting for a failed GFI in the end zone.
Quote: "That's your third knockout, and you haven't even had a turnover yet. I hate this f*cking game".
The Awesome Halfling Player
Probably one of the best players in the league. Won the last three Super Bowls, taught everyone in your league to play, wants to be fair and wants a challenge so he's playing Halflings this season.
And he just still keeps winning. Probably not as much as before, but he's still in the playoff picture.
And you know you're going to face him late in the season, needing a win, knowing that he's one TTM play away from ruining your season. Oh, and he also leads the league in foul kills.
Quote: "You know, this team's a lot more fun than I thought it would be!" (after fouling your wardancer off the field for the second time)
The Noob-Crusher
He's not a bad coach, but he's kind of a bully. And there's nothing he likes more than decimating an overmatched opponent who doesn't yet know how assists work. Who knows how many rookies he's cost your league, after their first and only Blood Bowl experience was against him. Somehow he's never around when the league veterans are looking for an opponent.
Quote: "I hear you're looking to learn the game. I haven't managed to play my Dwarves since they broke 2k. My place?"
The Artiste
He may be good or bad at the game, but every single model he owns looks like it belongs in a museum. It's possible that the only reason he plays is to see more models, or possibly to show off. Has more "Best Painted" trophies than you have teams. He doesn't have a painting table at home, he has a painting room. Almost always a fun guy to chat with, but it's intimidating to put the team you *thought* came out really well on the same field as his.
Quote: "And if you look here, I modeled a team logo on the shoulder pads using Green Stuff ..."
The Drunk:
A fixture at every tournament where liquor is served. The one working on his first beer before Round 1 even starts. And orders his second before halftime.
Sometimes a lot of fun, depending on when you have to play him. Sometimes not. Sometimes disappears for 20 minutes at a time to the bathroom.
Quote: "Ok, I'll grab the next round while you're setting up".
The Pro:
Win a few games in a row at a tournament, and suddenly you're facing some coach who's just way out of your league. (If this never happens to you, then congratulations, you ARE this guy). And the game starts just fine, when suddenly, he makes a few moves ... you're not sure what he's doing or why ... and then your turn starts, and your only options are risky dodges or uphill blocks. And if any of them fail, he's hitting your ball carrier. You look at the turn marker, realize it's only turn 4, and that it's going to be a long, looong game.
Quote: "You were doing fine until you failed that dodge"
Who else have you seen in our weird little tribe??
Feel free to add your own. Please try to keep this thread positive and amusing, so no names.
Just a list of some of the more memorable players you've encountered in leagues and at tournaments, such as ... ...
The Terrible Halfling player
Maybe he doesn't know the rules, maybe he can't plan ahead, but wow does this player suck. He tries to cover it by playing Halflings, and he gets splattered game after game. Games which usually end with the one remaining Halfling failing a 3 dice against blitz on the opposing ball carrier. But everyone knows Halflings are a terrible team, right?
Quote: "Can we make a house rule that lets me roster more than 16 players?"
Rube Goldberg
(For reference: Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist in the 50s, best known for designing elaborately complicated machines to solve trivial tasks)
Some players turn overthinking their turn into an art form. If they throw a block here, they can chain push your player into their sidestepper, who can then hop next to the target, throw a block which from that angle can knock your player onto the ball, which, with a scatter, can go out of bounds ...
At the end of their turn, you're not sure whether to admire their sheer audacity and genius, or burst their bubble by pointing out he could have just dodged out on a 3+ ...
Quote: "... and then, hand-off action ...!"
The Whiner
Dreaded staple of tournaments and leagues everywhere. Every time you knock down one of his players, he just shakes his head and winces like he's physically in pain. Sometimes explodes if you knock out one of his players, but what really sets him off are snake eyes, double skulls, or wasted rerolls. Clearly hates Blood Bowl and makes everyone around him miserable. But we keep him around, because if we're being honest, we're all this guy sometimes, just waiting for a failed GFI in the end zone.
Quote: "That's your third knockout, and you haven't even had a turnover yet. I hate this f*cking game".
The Awesome Halfling Player
Probably one of the best players in the league. Won the last three Super Bowls, taught everyone in your league to play, wants to be fair and wants a challenge so he's playing Halflings this season.
And he just still keeps winning. Probably not as much as before, but he's still in the playoff picture.
And you know you're going to face him late in the season, needing a win, knowing that he's one TTM play away from ruining your season. Oh, and he also leads the league in foul kills.
Quote: "You know, this team's a lot more fun than I thought it would be!" (after fouling your wardancer off the field for the second time)
The Noob-Crusher
He's not a bad coach, but he's kind of a bully. And there's nothing he likes more than decimating an overmatched opponent who doesn't yet know how assists work. Who knows how many rookies he's cost your league, after their first and only Blood Bowl experience was against him. Somehow he's never around when the league veterans are looking for an opponent.
Quote: "I hear you're looking to learn the game. I haven't managed to play my Dwarves since they broke 2k. My place?"
The Artiste
He may be good or bad at the game, but every single model he owns looks like it belongs in a museum. It's possible that the only reason he plays is to see more models, or possibly to show off. Has more "Best Painted" trophies than you have teams. He doesn't have a painting table at home, he has a painting room. Almost always a fun guy to chat with, but it's intimidating to put the team you *thought* came out really well on the same field as his.
Quote: "And if you look here, I modeled a team logo on the shoulder pads using Green Stuff ..."
The Drunk:
A fixture at every tournament where liquor is served. The one working on his first beer before Round 1 even starts. And orders his second before halftime.
Sometimes a lot of fun, depending on when you have to play him. Sometimes not. Sometimes disappears for 20 minutes at a time to the bathroom.
Quote: "Ok, I'll grab the next round while you're setting up".
The Pro:
Win a few games in a row at a tournament, and suddenly you're facing some coach who's just way out of your league. (If this never happens to you, then congratulations, you ARE this guy). And the game starts just fine, when suddenly, he makes a few moves ... you're not sure what he's doing or why ... and then your turn starts, and your only options are risky dodges or uphill blocks. And if any of them fail, he's hitting your ball carrier. You look at the turn marker, realize it's only turn 4, and that it's going to be a long, looong game.
Quote: "You were doing fine until you failed that dodge"
Who else have you seen in our weird little tribe??