THE ARKHAM ASYLUM BLOOD BOWL TEAMS

[Digger Goreman]

This weekend can be summed up quickly: WTF Nuffle?! W-T-F?!!!

32 turns of BB and only ONE (nuffy's favorite number) went my way....

WTF indeed....

b.s.: Grave Reservations 1, Bad Moon Bears (goblins) 1
S2B 0, Green Cheese (delfs) 3

[Digger Goreman]

EPIC implosion of dice around the prime singularity....

[James_Probert]

ok, so the dice imploded about which number, 2,3 or 5? given that those are the only prime numbers on a standard 6 sided dice.

[Digger Goreman]

"Prime" as in primary... or most important....

(there's at least one in every village!)

[Digger Goreman]

Well, the past month has been abysmal, even for players used to being dead/undead.... Diced cold through three... in which an Undead had to restart at the hands of Khemcheese... and finally managed to scrape my Vamps (Fangoria Fangsters) past an Underworld, 2-1... then got a restarted Undead (Dead Rock Stars) team through an explosive first half vs the Sleestack Lizardmen... then watched the second half unravel like an ill-prepared Mummy.... Got dice rinked and skinky-dinked 1-2 in an epic team implosion.... Traded a dead Saurus-to-zombie in the first for a dead Ghoul (Keith Moon) in the second....

In a match-up of early hurting rookie teams, the men of the Wicked Weasels took a BB babe and brought along two journeymen to replace mending blitzers against the same Dead Rock Stars.... Sacrifices to Nuffle must be adding up, for my opponent only nuffed out at the most crucial times... though, in two turns, I doubled out twice in a row (convienently fumbled the ball and double-skulled the first block with a mummy) and my opponent rolled 8 out of 10 POW/6's to come close to scoring... all for naught, as I was (usually) making the best choices (couldn't pass for the rain) and conservatively kept the ball in the hands of my two ghouls.... So the wicked were blanked by the Dead, 3-0, with 2 tds by John Bonham and one by Jim Morrison.... Frank Zappa got his third casualty in two games (killed a human catcher), along with one by Jim Croce, and Ronnie van Zant pulled in the MVP....

Bonham and Morrison skilled up as premier blodgers and Frank Zappa became the Monster Mother of Invention with added strength! That's what a diet of T!tt!es and Beer will do for ya', I guess.... Won a whopping 90k (that's a first!, +2 Fame and the win... had to use a re-roll... but... LA!!!!) and will replace the Ghoul from last game.... With the converted dead of the last two games, that gives me 12 on the roster... 13 when I finally get my fourth ghoul....

Let's hope this is the pivotal point to greatness for the Undead... tough first game, but we're starting to look gruesome... and that's good for the bad...!

Dead Rock Stars (Undead)
TV 118
3 Rerolls
FF 1
Bank: 60k
Treasury: 0k

Jim Croce 4328 Zombie
Janis Joplin 4328 Zombie
Ronnie van Zant 4328 Zombie
T-Rex 4328 Zombie (Saurus)
Sid Vicious 5327 Skeleton
Falco 4328 Zombie (Human)
Keith Moon II 7337 Ghoul
John Bonham 7337 Ghoul (Block)
Jim Morrison 7337 Ghoul (Block)
Jimi Hendrix 6338 Wight
Frank Zappa 6438 Wight (+St)
Mountain 3519 Mummy
Meatloaf 3519 Mummy

[Digger Goreman]

It's a Blunderful Life... or... Dancing The Two-step Nuffle:

Brudder... whadda weekend... teams couldn't find a handle on the football if it were welded there... and GFI stood for Guaranteed Falling Idiots!

Made an early mistake of accepting a challenge from a cheesdelf team against my Vamps: Fangoria Fangsters.... I can hear ya' say, "Digger, it's a tier 2 vs a tier one and they do everything on a 2+, so didnya expect to lose?!" Well... ordinarily... but this is coach X.... X is one of the most likeable, even-tempered people in the world... but watching/being in a match with him is, to quote another coach, "like watching chimps throw $h!t on a wall and making a Picasso!" It's not hubris to say that X is still, even half a year later, gradually getting a handle on mechanics... I mean, he does everything backwards except putting on his helmet.... I have to put a gag rule on the other coach to keep the comments and kibitzing out of the match.... X doesn't cage and leaves his carriers swinging in the proverbial wind... so I'm up, 2-0, at halftime and kicking to him.... As if on cue, my dice crumbled into little ones (which definitely didn't help), but X is still playing loosey-goosey... rolls 4+'s for totally ill-advised, consistent, multiple 3-dodge moves until he throws a long pass for, I kid you not, three 2's on the catches.... Had he played a real team, no joy... but not only does he seem blessed with the foolish... and I was making him do CRAZY dodges to get into position... but the lowest he's gonna roll is a 2... and in situations where a normal team would fail.... While the other, gagged, coach is pounding his head on the table over the sub-optimal play... I'm pounding my head on the wall over poor design rewarding poor play.... Frustrating at the least.... So, while ten thralls and 3 vampires are looking at each other as if they were hypnotically gazed, the New Delfi Cheese (his name, not mine) cruises to a 3-2 win.... There's only one way to describe this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-b7RmmMJeo

Second mistake on the weekend... playing another game! But, I get a call from one of my favorite people/coaches to play.... I need a game with starting Necros, and what does he trot out?!, an all-marauder team (Chaos Pact w/o the Pact... or the Chaos!).... Not as bad as X, but Y kept leaving his skill-less wonders open for 2 die blitzes and ONLY ONCE did it, eventually, bite him in the bum.... I watched him, in effect, throw BBs at a tank and the damned thing blow up every time!!!! My one score was after somehow picking up the ball after three turns of 2-1 scrumming in my favor.... 2nd half and here comes the sucking sound of the void.... It would've been equivalent if every time one of us reached for the die/dice my guys just laid down and broke their own armor.... Quickly an MNG ghoul joined two zombies and a GOLEM in the knockout.... Even then he flippin' single die/dodge/passes his way to two easy Tds, while I'm arguing with nuffle over the improbability of "that damned many ones in a row!" "Wow, you really are cursed....", he says....

NUFFLE! Don't I know it....

So, not including a devastating first game cum restart of my UNDEAD team at the hands of khemcheese, it still hasn't been one for the House of Horrors.... Fangoria is doing "the best" at 1-0-1, with 35 SPPs yet only one skill (Thrall with Wrestle).... One could argue that the Dead Rock Stars are better at an equal record, 32 SPPs, Block on two Ghouls and +St on a Wight... definitely a team ready for more action.... Sadly, trailing the pack in everything, is Grave Desecration, with an 0-0-2 record, only 24 SPPs and only two skills: guard on a Zombie and block on a Werewolf.... Losing ghouls to boneheads continues to be a theme....

There's always next game....

[JaM]

http://www.chessex.com/Dice/Dice_Home.htm

Seriously, you need more/newer dice
Or feel like Vader, here... http://www.starwarsspoofs.com/bespin.html

[Digger Goreman]

http://www.chessex.com/Dice/Dice_Home.htm

Seriously, you need more/newer dice
Or feel like Vader, here... http://www.starwarsspoofs.com/bespin.html

Unfortunately it's not, apparently, the dice.... While nuffie has to obey the laws of statistics (although I have my suspicions that he's above them), he seems to delight in evening out bi-polarly....

Well... I live for the games where true Necrotic skill rules... and Nuffle casts a blind eye upon my dice rolls....

Of course, after I die and they bury me under a pitch, I'll reach into the Netherworld and do to Nuff' twice what he's doing to me!!!!

Or maybe just find a witch to remove the curse....

[Digger Goreman]

Today was a bizarre game of Nuffle roulette....

Grave Desecration (Necros), 0-0-2, played as a 100k underdog to the Ork Ridge Boys.... Aahz fielded 2 Blitzers, 1 Troll, 1 Thrower, 2 Gobbos and 5 linemen.... One blitzer had Ag4 and one Gobbo had Diving Tackle.... I had one guard zombie and one block werewolf....

All I can say is, my bad luck ran out first....

I was one ghoul down, with a journeyzed (who survived the whole thing) and the remaining ghoul nearly shot the show for me: failed every exchange of the ball he was involved in.... Three fumbled passes, and one failed pick up to hand off.... Oh, and threw one interception.... It's a wonder he didn't get the Orc's MVP.... Unfortunately for the Orcs, the snake bit at all the wrong times.... Oh, did I mention that the Orcs got a blitz on the first kick... and that my blitzed down werewolf never got up the first half!!!! Yeah, that kind of game.... Anyway, the half ended 0-0 when the Orcs did a gfi on turn 7, instead of waiting to score in turn 8.... That would've been fine had the Orc not stunned himself... had the ball not gone out of the endzone... had the ball not been thrown to the 5-6 direction....

Second half was another tragic comedy of errors, till I had that perfect turn in which I sprinted a werewolf down the side and knocked down every possible pursuer.... Then I managed a turnover in which my stupid ghoul ran to pick up the ball, in a tackle zone, with the intention to hand off to the werewolf in the open.... 'Cept the orc blitzer rips the ball free... it bounds over the blitzers head... bounces off the butt of a stunned lineman... and through the hands of a prone thrower.... Next turn the thrower rises, dodges and faceplants on the pigskin, knocking it closer to my sideline and endzone.... Another great turn in which I land every important Orc on it's green behind, and my werewolf has the second, and final, score of the day....

Ugly win... and I'll take it!!!!

No casualties given... two taken and, luckily, regenned.... With my MNG ghoul returning, the team is at full again....

Oh, and the 100k? A bone-babe that never did any work... and a 50k DoomDiver card that was never used.... Still, no complaints 'bout that....

[Digger Goreman]

Sunday was a head-scratcher and a hair-puller.... First game was Necros against whoever's brain fart that thought spamming the game's most broken skill across a team and then giving them all the mutation that makes it even better.... I mean, really, are all the decision makers BoNs without attendants? I swear, nobody learns from history/past mistakes.... Eh, yeah, you guessed the $64 woid: Slann....

The only good thing about the game was his lack of catchers (both mng, along with one blitzer)... which should have made this a reasonable game.... The head scratching and hair pulling was only partially from trying to play against a mosh pit full of pogo crazies, but mostly from the inevitable throw of the ONE that brings all ripening fruits to rotten status.... Still, "leap"... ignores dodge out mechanics and tackle zones.... Timmys of the land must've screamed in their britches when that one was originated.... And, honestly, I should've lost this one.... For some reason my opponent convinced himself to leap his blitzer to assist the ball carrier, rather than just leap with the ball carrier.... With a buh-roken catcher, success... but a 2 must occasionally not work for the mundane Ag3s, and the score remained 1-1 at the end.... I'd like to think my tactics and strength of play had something to do with it... but that was simply undivine intervention....

The helpless hair pulling got extreme in the second game of the day: A new human team vs my one-skill Vampires (wrestle on one thrall).... On the human side, every time he activated Blitzer #4, the bugger seemed to cause mayhem... 4 casualties and 1 td before the day was over...! On my side it was rolling ones with Ag4 vamps... damned near every time... dodges and passes, but not for blood lust... in the FIRST half.... Half time and it's 0-0, though I had two scores nuffled out of my sure hands.... Using my wrestle thrall as a blitzer probably saved being scored on in return....

The second half was grist for wailing country ballads about loss and despair.... I had an easy blitz with a vamp vs blitzer and just needed one gfi.... Well, got the one, anyway.... Human waltzes easily in for the score.... In the return drive, through scrap and scrum, I got a 3spp vamp into the endzone without mishap... for once.... Then, of course, it happened.... I turn him over and secure the ball with a vamp... who, with no rerolls, need only open-field dodge and hand off to a thrall for the win.... Blood Lust: ONE!, and he has to bite the only thrall close enough to score.... Another tie instead of a 3-0 drumming of the humies.... If there is such a thing as "dice concussion"... I think I'm suffering from it....

With those two games, the interim is over for the Asylum.... New Ladder League starts next Saturday.... Never got to use my St4 Wight (Undead) or my Ag4 Thrall.... And, MAN!, I'd scored three zombies in 6 games (two in two games with Undead and one in four games with Necros)... typically I get, maybe one a season.... Real diversity in the raised dead this interim: one each Saurus, Human Catcher and Slann Blitzer.... We'll sack those away, start anew, and see what a fresh crop of Undead can do...!

[Alamar]

The only good thing about the game was his lack of catchers (both mng, along with one blitzer)... which should have made this a reasonable game....

You're welcome. I guess my teams are good for something

I'd like to think my tactics and strength of play had something to do with it... but that was simply undivine intervention....

Please remember that starter teams are often so close to each other that a series of either good or bad dice rolls make the day. Later on good decisions tend to compound themselves while repeated bad decisions tend to tear down a lot more.

Basically just give your teams time ... that should help.

Blood Lust: ONE!, and he has to bite the only thrall close enough to score.... Another tie instead of a 3-0 drumming of the humies.... If there is such a thing as "dice concussion"... I think I'm suffering from it....

I wish the Bloodlust rule was rewritten so this wouldn't be the case. I would rather that "feeding on a spectator" is handled after the player's turn is over. I.E. a failed BL doesn't end the team's turn and the Vamp can complete this action normally [but then goes to feed after the turn is over .... I'd say if a TD is scored by the Vamp team then the Vamp can't be in the next drive because he's still busy feeding]

[Digger Goreman]

Inaugral opening day of the newest Arkham Asylum Blood Bowl Ladder League, and three coaches showed up with their stables:

Coach "D", Our "cheese" expert:
Wild Women 3---Amazon
Elf Cheese (yes, he chose the name)---Dark Elf
Wicked Weasels---Human
Greens---Slann

The Wizard of Aahz (no relation):
Midgit Idgits---Ogre
To be named---Human
To be named---Lizardman

And your humble Commish and Defender of the Proper Undead Realm, Digger Goreman:
Grave Determination---Necromantic
Dead Dread---Undead
Fangoria Fangsters---Vampire

I drew the double-header, today, and ran out with "Grave Determination" against the "New Cheese".... Figured I'd go ahead and play the delfs early.... Rarely do my Undeads win their first game, anyway....

Kick and Fame +1 to the nasty nighthags (he won and elected to receive) and I was happy to kick to him.... Early going was easy for the elven sleazies and they scored in turn three.... D is a "nervous" elven coach and actually buys TWO rerolls *bud-dum-bump* *cymbals*, but had lived high on lotsa dice and it caught up to him.... I exploited a number of knockouts and moved the ball downfield with a Were for a turn eight score! By the second half, D was down to 5 effectives on the field (two casualties from two zombies, one on a received block) and the Graveyard faithful had two zombies fouled out... (damned elven referee!)... for only one stun....

I received and engineered a three turn stall in my half, confining the handful of slippery evil and marching forward with the ~2-1 advantage.... Needed to stall a little more in the other half, but as long as one elf is up, let alone 5, the cheese will run through any strainer... as did the desperation, 2tz dodge + gfi for a 1/2 d roll of POW+POW/Dodge vs my Wight ball carrier.... Nuffle me rotten! Fortunately his follow-up failed the gfi to pass in the clear and Nuffle allowed me a 3 on the pickup and score by the second Werewolf!!!

A messy, ugly affair, but the 2-1 grind ultimately worked....

The second game would be Nuffluglier, if that were possible.... Aahz trotted out his PitA Ogre Team: The Midgit Idgits.... (What's PitA? Pain in the Arse!).... Against the best stunty coach (possibly) in all of Blood Bowl was the reconstituted Fangoria Fangsters! FAME roll was 10 for me and 5 for him... and he grinned... informing me that his 8000 additional faithful fans outnumbered my 10 thousand.... I won kick and elected to receive.... The first quarter was more like a Mexican stand-off without Mexicans.... I blitzed at his snots and he countered against my Thralls... but I fairly, easily won that contest.... The vamps got bored and started downfield against the bumbling Ogres.... Four snots off the field and turn eight was set for an easy dodge and score for the ball carrying vamp.... Yep, you know (only needing a two and out of rerolls) Nuffie laid in the screws.... So the first half ends 0-0....

For some reason my assistant coach lost his mind and had the defense set up for a turn eight "keep away".... 'Cept it was turn 9 (second half).... Luckily the ball was kicked to the goal line of the Idgits and the setup was throw-a-snot proof... but here came the midgits, storming downfield.... Aahz is THE MASTER of the snot-cage and had plenty of reserves to take the field with 11 "men".... It came down to a pitched battle of Ogre boneheads vs Blood Lusts and failed/made gazes.... Finally, three-quarters of the way downfield and ready to score, I "you are a chicken"ed an Ogre, slipped around a thrall and 2 diced the ball carrier down, recovering with a vamp, who failed his bloodlust, but bit a waiting thrall before winging a short pass to another thrall who tried his best to outpace a thundering, bellowing beast of an Ogre.... Not trusting in the will of Nuffle, the Thrall allowed the brute to within a millimeter before dodging away for the score!!!! 1-0, the hard way....

Linescores:
Grave Determination 2 (2 Cas made) 1 Cpl, no skill ups... 30k winnings...
New Cheese 1 (0 Cas made)

Fangoria Fangsters 1 (3 Cas made) 3 Cpl, 1 regular skill tbd (Thrall)... 70k winnings (1 thrall MNG)
Midgit Idgits 0 (1 Cas made)

A wonderous and rare start for my teams....

[Alamar]

Cool beans. It seems your guys got turbo charged. Sometimes a change in environment is what the Dr. ordered....

Good luck with the new league.

[Digger Goreman]

Some of you might be interested in how the Strength of Game (SoG) is working.... The first matchup was Necros vs Delfs, each at 100 league points, and both tier 1 teams.... With equal tiers, the game is worth the full match points (in this case 16, as referenced in the ELO chart).... So the Necros advanced 16 points and the Delfs lost 16 points....

The second game had a tier 2 team (Vamps)(40 expected win percentage) vs a tier 3 team (Ogres)(32.5 expected winning percentage)... both teams at 100 league points.... The game would normally be worth 16 points... but multiply it by the tier ratio and it's worth 13 points....

So the League Ladder is:

Code: Select all

Rank	Pts.	Team Name	Race	TV	SPP
1	116	Grave Determination	Necro	101	16
2	113	Fangoria Fangsters	Vampire	103	17
3	100	Dead Dread	Undead	100	0
4	100	Greens	Slann	100	0
5	100	Wicked Weasels	Human	100	0
6	100	Wild Women 3	Zons	100	0
7	100		Human	100	0
8	100		Lizardman	100	0
9	87	Midgit Idgits	Ogre		
10	84	Elf Cheese	Dark Elf		

[Digger Goreman]

*In my best Simon Phoenix impersonation*: "I must've done something right in a previous life. Can't imagine what that could've been."

My "Dead Dread" (Undead) pulled off a relatively easy 2-1 vs Wild Women 3 (Amazon)... for a trifecta win record in each of the three first games of my stable (Grave Determination-Necros, Dead Dread-Undead, and Fangoria Fangsters-Vampire)....

90,000 assorted creatures of the night rallied our night terrors against only 30000 frightened females.... +2 FAME would be needed on top of the 3 rerolls to keep the undead undefeated.... Caught on tape, an initially worried looking Digger Goreman later claimed it was all a defensive stunt when the ladies blitzed a truck lane through the middle of the Dead's zombies and attempted a turn 3 break out toward glory.... Like a gridiron parody of the Fast and the Furious, the NOS was hit too soon, with wight Oglaf punching the ball out and ghoul Beef Eaton recovering.... Light armor started cracking for wight Sinfest and Mummy Paul Verizon putting two fems in the hurt locker... and KOs started piling up.... Maybe the Frightfest playback clips were scaring the gals silly... who knows?, but every other dodge was leaving a target on the ground and big holes in the distaff defense.... Beef would need a little help and luck, but a good dodge in the other half led to paydirt and a 1-0 at the end of eight turns....

Halftime over (a highlights screening of Monsters Inc.) and the kick sails into the Dread-ed hands of Beef Eaton, again! Beef and company burst upfield for an uneventful 3-turn fix and it's quickly 2-0.... Undaunted... okay, probably a little, the babes had six turns to make two strikes.... One came relatively quickly off a fumbled kick, deep in zon territory, to roll a series of bulletted 4+s (mostly 5s & 6s) to hand-off and launch a long pass to a blitzer over three-quarters of the way into Dreadland.... Surrounded a little too tightly, she strong-armed her way past a wight and dodged to glory...! 2-1 with Dead Dread considering options....

The Eaton Brothers and Mary Skelly razzle-dazzled the ball a couple of turns while Paul Driver, Paul Verizon (Mummies), the wights and zeds contained one side of the field... leaving the other tantalizingly open.... Worked like an evil charm as Gizzard took on two blitzers, Pork headed to the LOS for an assist, and Beef bootlegged out of the DD backfield.... With Pork's assist, Driver and Plague-ridden (zombie) drove a wedge through the zon line and Pork picked the pigskin from a short Beef(y) pass.... Pork then went "wee-wee-wee" all the way to within four strides of the endzone, with two protected stretches (had a reroll for the possible failed gfi from a FAME happening).... Two bimbos dodged downfield and one upfield to try for a splat-grab-bomb-td... but Nuffle had one more one for the ladies.... End game on failed gfi....

I'm awfully surprised at my good fortune... let's see how far I can ride this....